Seaver

What a strange and intoxicating way to wake up in the morning...not quite dressed, and with a man beside me. One might think that something salacious had taken place overnight, though it hasn't. Even in our most amorous moments, he is always and forever a gentleman, tender and thoughtful and ever concerned for my comfort and happiness. A person could argue that my torn dress is evidence to the contrary, but I wouldn't agree. I don't mistake passion for vulgarity. I am hardly an angel of self-control when in his arms.

Yesterday was largely pleasant, though a few moments were as ugly and harsh as anything I’ve ever known. Strangely, I don’t feel the same insecurity, the same regret, as I have on previous occasions. Could it be that I’m finally coming into my own identity, as Fate rakes me over the coals more and more? Am I finally finding my own voice? Losing my fear of offending others?

I was told by Taala that Seaver is upset with me. His reasons, I have not been by to see him. Aye, for some time after I met Aeruthuil (Aeru) I chose to not go around him. Is that not what most women do when they discover love?

I had been so elated of late. There seemed much to take heart from, but mayhaps it is fanciful of me to think all is well, because in reality it is not, not all all.

Oh how I despair of myself, what is wrong with me, can I not write about other matters? You would think I had naught else happening in my life, I do, I have a good life, but it is a troubled one of late. I must remedy that.

At least Aanya's anger has subsided a little. Of course she has forgiven Seaver, I am of course to blame for it all even though it is an act performed by two. She baked him one of her pies. Since the guard who wronged her has been reassigned, the poor girl is no longer afraid to venture into that part of the village. She returned a little later, all smiles, it seems the pie never reached Seaver after all, his men, flattered her so much, she agreed they may eat the pie amongst them, and she enjoyed an hour or so in their company.

How did I even manage to sleep last night? I must have been exhausted with happiness... is there such a thing? 

I have not stopped smiling since I opened my eyes this morning. The day appears rather dreary and drizzly from where I sit, but I can't find it in myself to mind. I feel as though the sun has found its way into my breast and is filling me with light - warm and golden and gentle. 

So, Aanya, is angry with me! At last she has taken the children into the village square and given me respite from the disgruntled looks and sarcastic comments. It must have been quite the shock returning last night to the sight that befell her. I do not think she picked her jaw up for several hours. I make no apologies, all said and done, it is my home, it happened and cannot be undone. Though it is not my intention to seem unkind, but there are worse things to stumble upon.

It's a good thing that Jack awoke me before dawn this morning, though I was irritated at first with his incessant stomping and snorting outside the door. The fair weather has him restless and wanting to move about, and though I snapped at him to take his gargantuan black and white hide away from the house, I have to feel rather grateful now, as I have much to record here before I start my day's work. 

Oh, where to begin? I think I must've encountered half of Bree last night, in the space of just a few hours. 

I return! The day is worn down now, the sun lowering in the sky, and the air taking on a nasty, chilly bite. But I want to write a bit more before I head into town for my evening drink at the Pony. Though, I wonder if I should even bother...seems every time I step through the south-gate, new trouble is brewing somewhere.