Seaver

It is two turns of the hour glass until dawn, and I have yet to find the sanctuary of sleep, peace from the endless questions that tap upon my skull. Questions, I doubt I shall ever glean the answers to. Why do I trouble myself with this? Why do I even care?  It is because I cannot help but care, he is my friend, he is tormented and troubled, convinced that he is cursed on account of dreadful deeds he has confessed he has done and in confessing them to me, I am now also burdened with them.

I've sat here and stared at this blank page for nigh an hour now. I had to recork my inkwell for fear it would run dry while I lingered, tortured and indecisive, the pale ivory expanse of parchment mocking me... encouraging me?...ah, who knows.

Now, if only my hands would stop shaking, I might be able to record something.

Conrob.

I've sat another twenty minutes at least. I can't write about him. Not yet. Coward that I am.

The company of the Bloody Dawn that had set out for Ost Guruth and Katnya had woken up in the Forsaken Inn, to Tim's side beside Gwyn and Basaran had Seaver and Ayla joined as well now.

Why do I feel this way?

As if there's nothing inside me...

Like I'm nothing but a shell.

I don't feel anything. At first I was sad, then angry and worried. But now I feel... nothing. I'm nothing without him. I know I shouldn't depend on him so much or well that's what pa-pa would say but...

Without him I'm empty. Perhaps that's why I'm looking for him, desperate. Business you said. The next evening you said you would return... but you never came home did you? 

Things are not going exactly "well". So far I've been learning a lot with Sylgmar, she is a relly good tutor and it's nice to spend time with her. I have new clothes, a new dagger, and the pipe-weed here is excellent (I should notify Saruman about this), and luckly didn't have any "encounter" with the southerner Annaliesa.

I knew life in Bree would be hard, but not this hard. If I had known of the struggles I would face, perhaps I would have stayed in Dale. But then again I'm not the same lass I once was. I used to fear my punishment for misbehaving now I don't fear much... Losing Skelly aye but nothing as petty as a punishment... Not anymore.

I wonder how other people would feel in my position... If they'd be sad, scared, nervous.

Seaver recently returned with bad news, he's currently staying with me and Skelcar. His love was murdered in cold blood, I promised Seaver I'd help and Skelcar is now involved too. But, now I regret it, one of the men who is thought to have killed her is a friend of mine and drinking buddy.

Yesterday I finished my interview with Seaver, I watched this man nearly break down from the guilt he carries because he could not protect the wo