I'm not ready...
She died this morning.
Lady Ekraen Dimaldri, the woman who took me in, gave me a home, a mother, someone to look up to...is gone. For weeks now, she's been battling fever. It took her shortly after the twins were born. She finally lost the battle. For such a strong woman to be brought down by a strange illness... It frightens me. And now? Now, I am the one who is left to carry on the House. Abellia...she's too young still, and doesn't want the responsibility. I cannot blame her. Even for me, the thought of leading and ruling over so many people... It is daunting, to say the least.
What, then, should I do? What can I possibly do different, that Mother could not do? Perhaps...perhaps it is time for change. Perhaps it is time for House Dimaldri of Rohan to become something more than what it is now. We are small, with very few people. We will not get anywhere with so little members.......
I am not ready....
Preparations for the funeral are beginning. Damondir has offered to build the pyre that will send mother to the next life. The white shores and pristine beaches that await her must be a sight to behold, though I honestly do not wish to see them yet. My mind is filled with ideas, thoughts, questions. I've no time to grieve properly. There is too much to do. And yet...I cannot do it alone.
I need Alazarn's input on this. He would know more about what to do than I do. And Iarvenuil. Two men I trust most, aside from Eraldwine. What am I meant to do, then, when it comes to leading this House? Simply bark out orders? No... That is not how I wish to be. Ekraen ruled with Final Law. Her word was final, and no amount of argument could change her mind.
I shall rule differently. I shall rule with my own law. Already, Araena has begun to set up our Court. She merely needs to find people of our house she can trust to add to it. Yet..I must also now have a court of my own. But the question remains... Who do I add to that court? Alazarn, naturally. I would trust my brother's word over most anyone's. Eraldwine, as well.
It..saddens me..to think that Kalwyn once would have been part of this council. Yet she has changed. I am uncertain if I should even listen to her now. Her warmongering and trouble causing is getting far out of hand...but for Alazarn's sake, I leave her be, mostly. If there was a way to find the Kalwyn I once knew, the funny, stubborn, kind-hearted woman that was, essentially, deep inside her...I would have her back in moments. I miss that woman.
This is something I must speak with Alazarn and Eraldwine about, after the funeral. A new dawn rises for House Dimaldri.
I am not ready....
