story

And so I did continue speaking.  ‘Verily must we strike against him, lest he destroy the entire world.’

‘I say we go to war!’ cried Prince Imrahil, who was a very tall man and loved to fight, broad and mighty even as an auroch.¹  ‘Show that rotten Sauron what’s coming for him!’

Thus was it so that thusly did Mr Elessar and I return to Minas Tirith with the Last Ring, having brutally and heroically slain the revenant corpse of Boromir, who had also been my old friend once before he was dead and also evil.  And so did we come even unto the city, and there did we tell all those gathered there of the sad end of Boromir.

‘No!’ I cried, with my mouth.  ‘How can this be!  Where did it go!  How did this happen!  Quick, someone, answer me?’

With the nasty wicked no good Denethor dead, and all the orcs and Haradrim-men dead too, the Battle was officially over, and everyone cheered my name in great joy, and sang songs commemorating the terrible fight.

Quickly with swift speed I started running to Minas Tirith, killing all the orcs in the way with my sword.  The High Steward had to be stopped from doing whatever he was doing!

‘What is the High Steward doing?’ I asked the little fat hobbit.

So did we all hop onto our boats and ships and sailing boats that we had heroically stolen from the Pirate Corsairs and sail off to Minas Tirith, to see what was happening even there.  The wind was at our backs, or to our front, whichever way made it best for sailing I think, and so did we go amidships verily avasting seawards and thus adrift the long fathoms between Pelargir and Minas Tirith.¹

¹
With wrath and great heroicism we sprang after Mr Elessar and his ghostly army of ghoulish wraiths, shouting, ‘Hurrah!’ and ‘Now you’ll get it!’ and ‘Die!’ as we chased those wretched corsair pirates from Umbar.

And so it was as so it was so as we rode from Isengard in triumph, singing songs and riding our horses.  Then did the King Thèoden, say, ‘So be it!  The wicked Saramn is dead, and Rohan is safe!  Hurrah!’ and everyone cheered cheerfully.

Then did we do as so it was as was to be done and did ride from Edoras with the host of the Rohirrim.  Mighty and glorious was the host as they rode forth to war, to fell deeds, and to the defence of Gondor!  Shining was our steel in the shiny sun, and our banners rippled in the wind when the wind blew, which was sometimes, and even as we went did we

‘You must,’ I said.

‘Nay,’ replied Mr Elessar, ‘I am not worthy.’

Then King Théoden got up.  ‘Very well then,’ he said oldly.  ‘What should we do now, hmm?’