Rebuilding the cold wall

I remember now why I don’t trust. Upon Brandilyn’s return to Bree..she promised she’d love me. I let her in, told her of my past, my fears and my feelings my true feelings. Now, I stand out side her refuge guarding as she lays with another man. It’s my fault, I was too cold..I couldn’t move fast enough forward to keep her. I deserve this and it has shown me something. I cannot trust if I do not desire to fall into that pit of despair that I fell into when Gwaed and Caliko died. I was so busy fighting in front I did not look behind at what was transpiring between her and a man I called my ally. As I was stabbed in front, I was stabbed behind. This is why I do not have friends, there is no such thing. I cannot put all blame on her, I was cold and was trying to keep her distanced. I tried to do so to keep her safe. Aeglorond is a good man, a better man than me and if he makes her happy then there is nothing I can say to that. I should thank them because I will not make the same mistake twice. I am an unlovable man incapable of showing love and receiving. She tried to push me from my wall to see people and open my world and as I did, she reminded me why I stay secluded from people. She told me she loved me, she never did. She wanted to be loved and I could not provide that to her atleast the way I did was not good enough. I thought I was making progress but I was wrong. I need to refortify. I am not letting my emotion cloud my mind again and cause me to act unwisely. I’ll be the quiet, despicable and distrustful man I was before, as long as I can keep my mind straight and on my promise. I said I would guard her refuge, I will keep my word. I discovered Aeruthuil is here, injured. He bears the brand of Angmar, now I have more reason to stay and guard.