He is asleep in the other room, I found myself unable to rest....
I found a quill and a vial of ink in the chest. I do not think he minds me using it. I am quite sure he won't. And if he did, it wouldn't matter. The quill is old, the ink was almost dry, I used water to moisturize it, make it easier to write with. It is not optimal, but it doesn't matter. What I will write is not important and most probably will this piece of paper end up in the fire when I am done writing. It is only thoughts, my thoughts, and as much as I put my trust in him, I am not sure I can share.. my thoughts. Truth be told, I am still very confused, I am not sure about anything, except for one thing.. and that scares me.
I love him. It is so strange to find myself.. saying it, writing it down, feeling it, allowing myself to feel it. And it is there I find myself now, where does one go from here? I am used to being in control, this time it is in him my sanity lies. He has the upper hand, him and him alone have the control to break me, and I have given it to him freely. Maybe I should I not think of it as I am, maybe I should think of it the other way around. With him, I am stronger than before, maybe even more alive than ever before.. I am simply afraid that he will be taken away from me, as have all the other things that I have previously let in close. This is different from all other things though.. this is.. big.
I shall go for a walk around the neighbourhood... Yes, a walk will make all the difference...
