I can hardly sit still. My body feels odd. Every time I sit down and try to relax, I can hear my heart pounding in my ears. I can feel it pulsing in my veins. My bones rattle with it. There's a peculiar sort of energy that's making my hands tremble and stealing sleep from me. I've camped beside the Greenway road, not too far from where I saw Rowan. A message handed to me as I walked through Trestlebridge told me to simply wait here for Timony and we'll continue north together.
I can't think too much time about the time spent with Rowan, or I'll start blathering a thousand thoughts and I'll never stop writing and I'll waste too much time and parchment and possibly lose what sanity I still have.
See? Been sitting here with the pencil hovering over the paper for half an hour already. I want to write things. I just can't. I can't open this part of my heart right now. I don't have time. But, surely I can say a thing or two? Just one or two things.
I feel such relief. More relief than I ever thought a person could feel. Great, vast, overwhelming, huge... I feel as if I've stepped from a dark, cramped, suffocating closet into a wide-open field of fresh air and freedom. Odd, I know. I feel joy. I haven't felt this sort of thing since... well, since Pa and Ma were still here. Oi, I can already see myself on the verge of writing too much and never shutting up...
I feel as though something - Life, Fate, the gods, I don't know - has finally decided that I've been punished enough. That I've suffered enough.
I feel so hopeful. I can't wait for tomorrow. And the next day. And the day after. I have no idea what's coming next, but I long for it.
I imagine he's moved on now, going back towards the lake. I have urges to run back to my camp and see if he might still be found, but I know he's gone. What would I do or say, anyway? Another hug, another smile, another comment about how happy we were to see each other again. Not needed. Not now. Not yet.
One thing at a time, Narys. That wound has begun to heal, and healing takes time and patience. Don't keep going back to it, like a dog licking a hurt until it can't close up. You have other responsibilities, other promises to keep now.
The sun is already getting low. Winter is near.
