I just want to cry

​I just want to cry until my tears run dry, to be held and not judged.  To laugh and for someone to share that laughter with me.  But if being happy is such a sin; then living in despair must be a good deed.  People embrace it and if you aren't a part of that despair they will try and give it to you. Well it seems it's been accomplished.  Gods, I knew she would come back.   I knew that a child was on the way.  Why did I get involved? If I don't have love then what do I have?  Is this part of becoming a stronger woman?  Why do I feel so terrified and lost?  Maybe I really can only trust myself.  I was warned but yet I continued to stay around.   Only because I thought I could help him and I fear that's the curse I have.   To want to be kind to continue to reach out and hope to cure one's heart.  It seems I'm only good for putting my foot into something I cannot get out of.  I'm not invincible, I'm a living breathing person just like anyone else.