I'm afraid

​I don't like waking up in the morning anymore.  The sun is pretty enough yes, I like sunrises.  But I don't like waking up alone,  the house it's as quiet as a graveyard.  I can't believe I fell asleep outside last night, I don't even remember  walking to staddle and falling asleep on that hill.  That's the frightening part.  Am I losing my wits? It was pouring, pouring! I woke up drenched in rain.  With the smell of lilies on my skin.   What's going to happen to me? I don't even know what I want right now. Love? Security?  Maybe.  But i'm afraid to accept these things, for the love I had received was a poison.  Aeru, that Ranger I met or whoever he was.  He said to smile a little more, I'll try for the sake of simply hiding.   It hurts horribly, but if people keep asking I'll just push them away.  So much for a simple life, in a simple town.  But is this really a simple life? A simple town? I'm thinking too much, I have to clam down.