I write by campfire tonight, It's time. I'm not the man she needs me to be. I have watched this play out as though I have been merely a spectator in my own body. Where am I going to go? I am not sure, All I know is I can't stay here. I can't be the hand that ends her life. She with her clarity of observation said it best. You are not thinking straight. You are allowing your head to be clouded by your emotions. That goes for all aspects of life lately. Since I met her.
Why, why do I subject myself to these false hopes? I have also led this girl on a merry dance despite deep down knowing the outcome. Knowing that the weight was too much.
To think that I could be myself. I never knew the exact details of what she read in that letter I wrote. It has never sat right with me ever since. This love has been a lonesome lie. A last ditch effort, just in order to feel... something.
No, this twisted experiment must come to an end. I ride now and I don't know when and where I will stop. I have to keep moving. It's over.
The spinners laugh their cruel laugh once more. Their cruelty knows no bounds. It's too late for me. I am but a pawn in their wicked game. She will not be dragged down into the depths of the dark with me.
I sit here tonight and think of my boy, my daughter too. It saddens me, It is better this way. It has to be.
How can I protect her? When I cannot even protect her from myself.
It's over.
This is who I am. I can't change.
It is time for me to vanish into the wind.
