I guess this isn't so bad. Only, I don't know what to do with myself. Pushing everyone away even though I'm lonely, and refusing to eat even though i'm starting to think my body will shut down soon.
I can't help it. I don't understand it, but I can't help it.
I'm thinking about cutting my hair shorter. Just to be more manageable. Maybe off to my chin? It's improper but... so is everything else. It would be convenient. But would it make me look ugly?
I feel sick. Worse than anyone has ever told me the normal sickness of pregnancy is. Maybe it's because I've stopped eating as much? Or... I hope it's not that I'll suffer the same fate as my mother.
I can't think of getting married when it's for these reasons. It's as though a trap I never meant to set has been sprung; does that make me a good huntress or a bad one?
I miss watching the sun set from the shore. I guess it's good my room has a window, at least. It lets me see what time of day. Keeps me on some sort of normal schedule even though I don't do anything. It's relaxing, being so lost in time, but at the same time I feel horribly guilty. I'll have to drag myself from this soon. I know. I know.
