He left that morning, his last words still echoing in her head...
Perhaps it was because he never loved me? But that makes the least sense of all.
There was a long period of time when Neyaa Sunngifu did not shed any tears.
By the time she had made the long journey from Edoras to Bree she had cried herself into a state of numbness and steely resolve that tears and self-pity were pointless emotions that really did not do anyone any good at all. And it was that way for a number of years until she became involved in the silly business of love.
She looked across the table at Branston, the boy was midway between his first and second year now. He was enjoying a bowl of porridge, not eating it as much as spooning it onto the table.
“Branston, will you eat any of this, or would you just feed it to the table?” she asked smiling at her son.
There really wasn't much to smile about these days, Branston himself had been playing up of late, normally a placid child, he missed the man who had adopted him, but children are more resilient to such things. How she longed at times to be a child again.
Every morning she woke up was another day, hopeless and miserable, with nothing but a deafening silence, a wave of tears, memories and his absence. She would continue on regardless...she had a successful business, wonderful friends, a son she loved more than anything, but all of that joy is dimmed when one has a deep void within them.
Neyaa had done some foolish things in her time, yet had few regrets, now was one of those times. She was a great believer that one should be accountable for their own actions. And she was being held to account for her folly. Oh how she wished she could get to that place beyond the tears again...but numbness, does not, a good mother make!
There had been so much time to reflect on her stubborn, often violent behavior, all driven by fear and insecurity that she was simply not good enough for the good fortune that had found his way into her life. She was so fearful, that everything that mattered to her before, had left her, or was taken away, that she oft gave it a helping hand to get the inevitable over and done with.
A chance meeting on a bridge outside of Bree...and all that had followed since...should have been a tale of wonder and enchantment, love, passion, caring, sharing, support...he had offered and given it all and what had she done in return? She had wounded him with her doubts, cruel words, blows, jealousy, lies, she had become all that she despised in a person...in truth, Neyaa had really not treated Deredan very well at all.
In those long, lonely months as chilled by regret and reproach as the frost upon the ground, she made a promise that if he had not forsaken her, and he was alive and able to return to her from the North, and even wanted to come back...things would be so different this time...
