Tonight I sit sleepless, and look into the night about me, dark, terrible things lurk there, and often the dread comes over me, that I feel my reason is overpowered, and my senses are bewildered. Abandoned to evil spirits, we are, we who followed because duty demanded it, because we swore to serve. How can we believe that our well-doing has availed anything? All our labors have met with failure, all good for nothing. We only seem to fill up every place with our trouble and strife. Behold the works of the proud Noldor!
Naergon is still weeping, quietly. Well he should! He cannot sleep because he has done evil and is racked miserable with shame. If he slumbered the dreamless sleep of the righteous, I would throw a rock at him.
How could they have fallen into such dreadful errors? They have lost their wisdom, and have become vile and loathsome. Yet endure their company I must. Woe unto the smallest inhabitants of the village!
Sometimes, when more than ordinary means are used against a people, they become irritated, perceiving that they are being invaded by bloodthirsty, brutal masters, and proceed to alarm the countryside. Now we must hold ourselves in readiness to respond, at all times, in case of attack, and behave with extreme caution. I deem our rash savagery has rendered the Men relentless in pursuing us to our deaths. It is unnecessary for me to remark this to the rest. We all know it.
When Lord Veryacano learned of the deceit and terrible misdeeds of those of his Order, his anger boiled up, and he was raging at the froth. Naergon repented for his part, and begged for judgment, and punishment, as was his due. But a mere scolding is all that he received, for disobeying orders and doing that which Lord Veryacano did not wish, for the blame was laid squarely at Nirhen’s feet. I knew that she was the cause of this distressfulness. I have never trusted her, nor her deceitful tongue. She lied once, to her own Lord! What keeps her from lying again? Or taking more 'full measures,' as our Lord said? No, she will not take her measures by halves, and said so herself – coldly. Where was this shameless sword-maiden’s usual anger? Blown away to dust, methinks, along with the remnants of the village. She has become unfeeling, complacent, and very wicked. All other wickedness is harmlessness when compared to hers; it is a cold, calculating, tutored wickedness which she has long studied, and improved upon, page by cruel page.
It was evident, by the perplexed scowl on Lord Estarfin’s darkening face, that he did not understand this grievous wrong, and he shook his head, finding it difficult to accept his Lordship’s upbraiding. I believe that he does not realize the depths of what he has done. His mind is brittle, weak. Else how is it possible that he, a noble warrior of the ancient realm, could execute those punishments upon those who least deserved them? This lord has very bad judgment, and is too easily led by wicked company, not to follow his Lordship’s instructions. The others did not witness any of his foolishness; they never saw him wearing the same filthy robes, day after day, or see his strength slowly waste away, because food had lost its savour. I never will forget his childlike amusement at skipping stones across the brook, or any other of his wild fancies. Who knows what lies Nirhen told him? Even now, he insists the Men deserved their punishment. His mind is confused, and he must be reliving out some bad old time. It shall pass, as it did before. But I shall not abandon him to the she-snake, as he was by Lord Belegos.
Mighty disgusted was he to learn of the destruction of the village, and he near came to blows with Lord Estarfin, who called him craven, and a fool. Then he departed in great bitterness, saying he would report everything to Lord Vorongwë. I thought to take myself to flight, following hard on his heels, but then who watch over Lord Estarfin, and report all that was said and done, if I left? So longlasting bonds of friendship were torn asunder, and these two lords that once considered themselves brothers are now sworn enemies.
And, as Lord Veryacano would keep it all a secret if he could, Lord Belegos' promise of report made him even more wroth- but he was not afeard of this threat - not this proud lord! Soon the whole world will know, and none will speak well of any of us, and all our good deeds shall end in sadness and misery. Yet Lord Veryacano finally admitted of the shame, when his anger cooled, and spoke of a dark stain upon our House. I fear nothing we can do will ever set things right again.
If that was not all, the map I returned with was adjudged to be worthless, merely a trifle to hang on a wall. I did not like the way the Lords Tindir and Veryacano looked at me when they spoke of 'finding' a new map from some Man-town. I am alone amongst these elves. The Lord Veryacano's will is relentless, and has some dark design. He commanded Telpenaro to watch over me, because I make him very worried; he said I might bring trouble to us all. Nothing I could say or do could ever measure up to the great heaping of trouble caused by the wretched deeds of these Noldor; neither should he fear my desertion from his company, for I have condemned myself to watching over this dreary lot!
