Cold wind blows from the tall of the mountains in the east, against my face, and it feels like it forces away the dark cloud that sourounded me this many months..
For I failed again. Again I did not manage to do even the slightest significant good to ease the fate of my dear old friend. But we are of those for whom the word of our lords stands before anything else.. Daelith himself would have had it no other way. Perhaps against any other will I would have stand against, but not Veryacano's! The past showed that I have no rigth to doubt his dedication concerning his men and even less rigth to think my judgement better than his unless he is prey to the darkest anger. Was it any better hope, I trust he would have found the way and the means. And Daelith followed his comand to any end by choice and I would not do different on his behalf.. yet it boroke my heart to give up.
For I failed again... I did not find Reiven personally to pass her the order to take the sword to Veryacano to have it destroyed but I left her a note she sure found. I had no wish to be there. I stopped by the cave in a vain hope some sign will show me what I could do or a sign that we do the rigth thing. But nothing happened. The clifs stood silent and the sad darkness seemed to have no end, no answer and no meaning.
I failed. I failed again.. Cirdamir was tired of my.. dare I now call it obsession? obstination? delusion? Even I could not have asked for a more understanding, wise and faithful companion in my attempt to bring peace to the troubled soul of my lost friend. He sure needed to forget about all this and I needed time to forgive myself for failing again, not to make his days bitter of my sorrow. So I searched lonelines in the wildernes full of legends, so dear to me.. I wandered for many months. Little time ago the noise of a big group of riders caugth my attention. They were mostly men but to my surprise I saw a few Vanimarian uniforms as well, acting as guides and guards. I stayed on my hilltop and watched unitl they were out of sigth.
I took an oath for duty and another of love and here I was alone on a hilltop crying my failure to make a difference when the life of my kindred still flows like a strong, powerfull river. I did fail and it will stay a shadow over my heart for the rest of my days on this lands - if not to the end of all things. But what else will I allow myself to fail in my self-pitty and misery? Dare I name myself of the kin of my glorious people if I do not stand up again and walk their path that nothing and no one managed to end?
