Rowena

It was foolhardy to think that I could spend time with this woman and not grow attached, I knew it the night I questioned our attachment and asked what it is that we are doing here.

I knew that we could not remain friends and simply stay that way indefinitely whilst we shared one another's beds. A decision had to be made one way or another. A decision I did not want to make, a decision I knew I had to take.

Freedom is now within my sights, I need only reach out. Claw my way up out of this chasm I have found myself in. Grasp the ledge and pull myself up. How sweet it will be. 

Perhaps I will finally be able to take that journey to the Shire I was denied in the summer.

I am beginning to question the usefulness of you oh journal of mine.

Night after night I open you up, put ink to pen. And I sit. My mind a muddle of conflicting thoughts as always it is. Never is it simple. How I long for clarity. Instead, I sit here conducting fully fledged debates inside my head as I have so often in this book. Contradictory as my conclusions can be from one minute to the next.

Is there not a place in this Middle Earth that is not tainted by my memories? I felt it in the Forsaken Inn. As I sat there in the gloom night after night and sunk enough mead to numb my senses to the world last summer. Unbeknown to me that my lover would soon get her dues for the trouble she brought upon herself. I knew it would happen eventually. I knew she wasn't good for me. I knew how that story ended. Yet I carried on with the charade anyway. She should have died by my hand the moment she read of my secrets. They were mine and mine to share alone.