anxiety

The burden of leadership continues to weigh on me, and it's only here in these pages that I feel safe to voice my misgivings and self-doubt. I know it's my part in this to put on a brave face and air of confidence but I often wish Lady Strelarien had been entrusted with this task. Rather than stay in the Pony I had my tent put up amongst the men and as I walk amongst the ranks they look to me for strength. I don't even recognize most of their faces and if they only knew how young I was I think I might be driven out in short order.

She'd crossed that bridge dozens of times before. The Trestlespan was strong and sturdy, and its wooden walls hid most of the ravine below it from view.

Today I will not share with you my innermost thoughts. This would be the second day in a row I have besmirched my parchment. I feel like I am drowning and I need to come up for air. In any case my frustration is so great I am ready to cast this one into the flames as well. But I will resist the urge. Until another day. These hands of mine fail me. Shaking as I would have committed some of what I had just written to parchment. It made me feel ill reading back upon them.

No, I need to run away for a while. I cannot write. I cannot even think straight.