Today I will not share with you my innermost thoughts. This would be the second day in a row I have besmirched my parchment. I feel like I am drowning and I need to come up for air. In any case my frustration is so great I am ready to cast this one into the flames as well. But I will resist the urge. Until another day. These hands of mine fail me. Shaking as I would have committed some of what I had just written to parchment. It made me feel ill reading back upon them.
No, I need to run away for a while. I cannot write. I cannot even think straight.
I need to find some sanctuary before I suffocate beneath. The pools of blue are warm and welcome yet it is so simple to lose yourself in the depths and never surface.
In a sense I am relieved I spoiled my entry. I will spare you from the inner workings of my disjointed mind. From the dramatic highs and lows. It was not pleasant writing. Some of what I had written made my stomach churn. The fresh anxieties. The urge to silence and wrest back control. Just as I think I have banished them they come back. They always come back. The fact that she has even acknowledged and accepted the possibility that Knowledge may be the blade that kills her and not I.
I do not even trust my own words on subject matters.
My thoughts shift continually one way and then the other. One day I feel my head might explode.
Reading back on parts of it even though it would be ruined. I am glad you did not read it. No no, I am getting carried away already.
Until the next time. Whenever that may be. I need some respite. Even from you, accursed book. I need to fly away. If only for a time. One day will not suffice.
