She was walking home alone, the stars her only companion. How was she supposed to go? It did not feel right, to go back without him. Who was she if she just let him go like that? Was she not abandoning him, if she let go so easily? She had him close to her heart and it did not feel quite right to let him face the grief all alone.
Marganil felt so lonely at that moment. As lonely as she had felt when she saw her mother join her father in the grave. What was left of them now? Rotting corpses and memories in her young mind, that pained her too much to bring up. Their graves, as she saw them last almost a year ago, came to her mind. They shared a gravestone with their names written on it. The stone had felt cold under her touch; it was a cold rainy afternoon.
The tombstones outside Ost Guruth reminded her of their graves. The young woman could not tell if it was that memory that pained her so much or facing the repercussions of her actions. Calaedor and Maerle were right; she had brought all this suffering upon them. It was good that she never got the chance to visit those graves, she would have broken down.
How could she know? How could she know that those beasts would attack them? She honestly thought that they were solving a problem. She should have known better. They were all right, heroes could not exist in this world. At least not as seen in the songs. So perfect, so righteous, always knowing the best course of action, always able to tell what to do and when to do it. However, she could understand now that the result of their actions was never discussed. They were always hidden somewhere in the shadows of poetry.
By now Marganil had reached the gates of their small village just outside Bree. A single lamp post was lit; its dim light fighting the darkness away the same way the warriors kept evil at bay. Mr. Lighthouse had said that this is their duty; that there is only us against them and there is nothing to do but kill all evil things. She sighed. She was young and he was old, fighting for so many years. His logic was understandable. Was it not the same argument that all warriors had?
Why could it not be the other way around for once? Why could it not be that a simple action of kindness was enough to shine a bright light on ones’ life and thus remove a bit of evil out of them? Perhaps if they all lit enough lamps then the shadows of evil will be shone to oblivion. Marganil would have liked to claim that was her thought when she removed the collar from that beast of a warg. It wasn’t. When the warg spoke, pity and hope rose in her. Pity because she could hear the pain of torture. Hope because, if a creature had speech, they could be reasoned with, right? They cannot be completely evil… No, she had to believe that there was something good in all of them. By now, she knew that she was no hero. However, if there was no way to be saved from evil, then she was lost. How else could she characterize her rush actions if not evil? Was she evil beyond repair?
She kept walking among the houses, so close to her friends now. At least during that battle, she did not flatter. She was able to protect her friends despite her fears. Marganil had been so shocked after that battle in Treslebridge, that she did not believe she could raise a blade again. She had talked with Anastasiar back then, she remembered telling her how scared she had been. How unsure she was whether she could stand up for her friends if it meant she needed to take another life. Well, she did that. It was easier to fight for Thurintos, Maerle, Finnvi and Calaedor when their enemies were not human. Still, she was not sure if she would have been able to harm another man.
Marganil was close to Ana’s home. Ana had been kind to have let her stay there. It was convenient; not only she was not alone with her nightmares of murder and sick parents, but also, she was able to rent out her parents’ house to the Rohirric lady and her guard. She should pay rent to Ana, or perhaps repay the backyard shed before the Company returned from Rohan. She wondered if Maerle had ever realized how relieved she had been to see the Company travel South. Somehow, after her trip to the doors of Angmar and the battle at Treslebridge, she could not face them anymore, let alone brave a trip south with them.
The yard door cricked in a comforting and familiar way. She was almost there; with her found family. A dreadful thought occurred to her. What if Finnvi had decided to run away when Mr Lighthouse went for his stroll? No, she would not do that. Finnvi understood that she had a place with them, how could she not after their adventures? She was the closest thing she had to a sister, her best friend. No, besides Marg still had a dare to use on her.
She was happy that the two women were there. They could endure all when they stayed together. Marganil opened the door, satisfied to be at home.
