- written in Haradrim -
I've been spending my days daydreaming, and have not been practicing as I should. I picked up the bow this morning and could hardly pull the string back. I've set up a few targets behind my house. Napi was watching from his stable, and I think he was laughing at me. I should ask Leoffrith if horses can laugh at you. I've had Napi since I lived in Far Harad, and he's made it all this way here with me. From fleeing Far Harad to staying in the Minas Tirith stables to staying outside of the Prancing Pony when I was staying there, he's sure stuck by me until the end. Horses are as loyal as dogs, I've been told.
I have discovered that I have a strong liking for coffee. We had it all the time at home, of course, it was a cultural staple. But I think I was too young back then to appreciate it, for I never liked anything that was bitter. I'll have to ask Leoffrith where to get the best beans for brewing, I am sure he knows. He knows everything about Bree, as far as I'm concerned. I told him some about where I came from, but I am too nervous to tell him too much about Minas Tirith. I don't think he thinks anything is odd, and I feel as if I shouldn't be ashamed of it. But I worry that he will become angry if he knew I was once married. Some men find that insulting, though it's perfectly fine for them to be married more than once. I don't think he's the type to get angry about it, but he's also very easily discouraged, I have noticed.
He invited me to come sit with someone he was doing business with yesterday. I don't want to intrude on his business, and I was afraid of feeling unwelcome. It seemed to deflate him a little bit, and I tried to pretend as nothing had happened. My father always used to tell me that you had to keep your personal life separate from your business life. I suppose it was a lesson I took to heart, for I think you shouldn't mix the two up, and I did not want my presence messing up any of his business. Especially with Bree-landers already looking at me as if I don't belong, I don't want potential customers to turn away. He said that he wouldn't want to be around those types of people anyway, but father always said you couldn't be picky about who gave you business because they were the ones lining your pockets.
Then he gave me a bracelet or necklace of sorts with little wooden trinkets hanging from it. I've never had anything quite like it. I have plenty of gold and silver jewelry, but I've only received very few hand-crafted items before. My mother made my headscarf for me, and then Khazim gave me a much finer one. I think I gave that back, or I put it away, I do not remember. Nonetheless, I don't wear it anymore and don't want to be reminded of that time. So I found the wooden trinkets to be very special, and I think they're quite important. I tucked it away into my personal belongings and then I hung it on the wall and then I hung it over my bedpost. I can't decide where to put it, because I don't want it to get messed up.
I met miss Carria and miss Clara and they were both very pleasant. I left quickly when the third girl arrived, for I am not too fond. He walked me home, and we didn't say much. He seemed to think I was angry with him, or that he'd done something wrong. I tried to ease his worries, but I am not sure if I did a fine enough job. I certainly didn't think he did anything wrong but didn't know how to tell him I simply had not wanted to join the table without hurting his feelings. And I definitely do not want him to think I only enjoy his company when not with other people, because I enjoy his company all of the time. But perhaps I will tell him that I am not fond of groups. More than three people and I feel overwhelmed.
Sometimes I worry that we are too different. Everything is still new and exciting, but it does not take an incredibly intelligent person to tell that we come from very different worlds. He comes from a rough way of life and knows how to fix things and teach people things and he knows everything about horses and Bree and he'd probably know how to farm if he really had to. And I feel as if I don't know how to do anything. If he wanted to leave today and go on an adventure, I'd be useless. I wouldn't know how to set up camp or help make a fire, and I hardly know how to defend myself. It's a stroke of luck and a wonder that I was able to make it to Bree alive and in one piece.
I fear that he will realize we are so different and that it will bother him. That he realizes I know absolutely nothing about how to live in Bree. Khazim used to scold me all the time for it, but I still haven't changed. Learning the bow is one thing, but it will take years before I become good at it. Leoffrith says I'm a natural and that I won't need him for lessons anymore, but I wonder if he's only saying that. Perhaps I should share my worries, and maybe he could ease them. Perhaps it wouldn't bother him that I would make a useless housewife if that was his future plans. It seems everyone in Bree has the same goal: to settle down on a farm, raise some chickens and some children, and live happily. I don't know how to care for chickens! He mentioned settling down when I first met him, so I know it's what he's at least thought about.
But an idea has struck me, as I write this. At the very least, my cooking is quite good. I will cook a meal from home for him if I can find the ingredients for everything.
