I have been taken to a dark cell in the uppermost parts of the central keep of Nothgar. It is very tedious to hear voices speaking far below and be unable to converse with anyone. I suspect that I am the only person shut in here, but it is impossible to know as the guards refuse to talk. My bedding consists of two blankets and a straw mattress, and the ventilation is exceedingly defective, and the air damp. I miss my place by the river, for here, there are no birds singing, only the wind whispering through the narrow window, and the sky is shrouded with twisting mists, and these remind me of wandering spirits, and do make my heart heavy. I am little pleased with my dinner, which is a very poor one, methinks, being nothing more than bread and water. At least I am not subjected to any more of the Commander’s lectures, and they allowed me to keep my journal, otherwise the hours would have dragged even yet more wearily, so I suppose I should be thankful for this slight favor.
After fifteen days of dry bread and water, the Commander decided that I had enough of that punishment, and I was released from my cell and brought before her.
"The Malledhrim is the armed force of the Lord and Lady,” Rodelleth said. "Its service is to free this darkened wood from the Enemy, and it is maintained by the Galadhrim at great cost for the protection of its far-flung kindred that dwell on the opposite shore of the Great River. One would expect more thanks from one of its people, and although I have known few of them, I can see that you are not typical of your kind, and therefore you are not a good example. You are willfully reckless, fomenting mischief, receiving orders with contempt, and obeying them with sullen murmurs. Worst of all was the quarrel you incited with your brother Culufinnel, and a good soldier was lost because of it. Therefore you must be checked by means powerful enough to quell your angry passions, and so produce quiet, for if they are set loose, chaos will result, as we have seen already."
"You are mistaken in your own way," I burst out, "I cannot help it if I am put in unhappy places which I would by my own will gladly avoid. You are here by choice, and not by ill fortune which hangs over me like a dark cloud!"
She coloured slightly, and drawing herself up, gave me a condescending, pitying look. "When we first met, foolish country-elf, I told you that I showed an interest in your welfare, and would provide such help within my power; it ought not to surprise you, and requires no gratitude. No - do not attempt to speak, or you will be taken back to the tower." Rodelleth paused a moment, as if she expected me to break in again, but I anticipating this, remained silent, though I felt heartily embarrassed and angry at her insult, for I realized then that I was completely under the dominion of these Malledhrim, and I was doomed to remain among them.
I was very surprised when Handelen spoke out, and said that I had been punished enough. "No Elf should be shut in a solitary cell," he told Rodelleth. "It is foolish to treat them as rogues, and it is a great waste of resources."
To which Rodelleth replied coldly, "My dear brother, lenient schemes are of no avail with such characters, and reprimand and persuasion are but mockeries. Ordinary confinement is scarcely a mode of punishment at all, for the offender is relieved from work and lies snug between his blankets, while others who have done no wrong are forced to take up the extra duties of the offender and are deprived of rest. Therefore, the diet must be limited, or confinement will have no effect, as it would be preferred over work by shirkers such as Parnard." And then Rodelleth turned to me, and said that the confinement and bread and water diet would succeed, and would induce me to behave, and work all the harder.
I shook my head at Handelen, meaning for him to desist arguing with his ugly-tempered sister. I believe he was so anxious for my sake that he forgot his own, but he would not take my hint. He told Rodelleth that it might succeed, in that regard, but at a great cost, for she did not win any loyalty by employing such strict means, and since she did not provide any means of escape or relief from the misery of imprisonment, there is little love for her in my heart. He saw to it that I had my journal at least, to keep my mind occupied.
Rodelleth declared that she did not need my love, only my unflagging obedience. It is her duty to maintain an orderly and systematic body, with all efforts directed to the benefit of the whole. She must subdue the wicked, she must tame the insubordinate, she must make the disobedient willing, she must cause the idle to be industrious, she must preserve peace, and do what is not done, elsewhere, in the world. Only by carrying into effect the severities of the law, and having the support of her officers, is this order preserved.
"You have my support in everything – but this," Handelen said. "I will vouch for him." It was a wonderfully brave and rash thing to say, and when he looked at me, I bowed my head, and wished I were far away. He had run his head into a noose, and I could not bear that he should take on trouble through my fault; indeed, I felt sorrier for Handelen than I did for myself at that moment, as it mattered little what happened to me.
He took me aside, and told me, "Parnard, you must be honest, if you are honest. You must be industrious, you must be faithful, and you must be determined. No one can make you these things. It depends on yourself. You may have to do a great many things that are not very pleasant or desirable to do, but they are honorable, however lowly or undesirable, and we all must take the first step. Will you try?"
In that moment, I decided that I would help Handelen, in any way I could. I nodded assent.
"He is very secretive and stubborn in his ill-formed opinions, and remarkably violent,” said Rodelleth, shaking her head doubtfully. "Do you vouch to me for him, so that whenever he commits a misdeed, you will bring him to me for correction?"
Handelen said that he would. And so, by order of the Commander, I was declared the Lieutenant Handelen's new Soldier-Page, and spend most of my time cleaning, serving his meals, and delivering messages. I am forbidden to touch the Lieutenant's bow, after using it to prop the flap of the tent open as I swept it out. It vexes me deeply to hear me called his "boy," but it is better than being shut away in the dark lonely tower.
