My armour be restored and returned, and friend Maynard has done passing fine work. Alas, with every rent and tear that the Breeish smiths repair, I fear its worth and strength be lessened, for there be none in these lands with the craft to fully restore metalwork of such make and quality. Nevertheless, it be all that can be done for this while - mayhap, if I find a smith of rare talent in my travels, it be possible to full restore it yet. But of this I have no expectation, and only a bare hope.
Now that my gear be prepared my mind turns, to my own surprise, further afield once more - is it not strange? When I roamed in wild and perilous lands of late, I wish for naught more than to return to green fields and thatched cottages, and now that I be here, I be ready to set out again in short order to those selfsame dangers.
Yet maybe it be not so strange. For when last I was in Bree, I fled it in some sudden terror, seeking the joy of peril and yet finding no peace in it. Now, I be calmer, less unsure of my mind. When next I ride forth, I will do so because I wish to and because I must. Not because I seek escape from an unknown and ill-understood fear. I be not wholly settled in mind - yet I feel it be not untrue to say that I be possessed of less doubt now, to my own gain.
This latest stay in Bree has also been one of great (if not sole) joy to me. I have come to meet some fellow Dale-landers, and find their company welcome indeed. Also have I had the pleasure of seeing many new-met friends anew, even if it be so that I have been forced to learn at long last that there be some little justice (though not truth) in the questions and rumours that I so dread.
Indeed, this be the first time I have set quill to parchment since my return, for I believe I feared to give truth (even privately admitted truth) to the rumour, the gossip, that I felt hounded me both before and after this return. But now I understand the truth of it, and also what be untrue, and I be willing to set both down in turn for my own benefit. In short I understand now, if not wholly, why so oft it be that her name be the first and most oft question set to me, when speaking with friends in Bree.
Indeed, it be ironic, that scarce days after writing to friend Jessiwick seeking her advice, seeking some understanding of from whence the rumour and gossip springs surrounding Sol friend Solveij and I, that I should have received my answer through friend Jessiwick - through her herself, if not her word or speech.
For it be true. Indeed it be so that I be other with Solveij, that I act other than when I be in the company of others, leastways in Bree. This very evening past be the proof of it, for scarce did I speak with friends Jessiwick and Ethan, til their departure. It be little wonder that such rumour can abound, when I be so. And I cannot explain why it be so, for both I like and respect greatly, ne’er would I consider their company to be worth ignoring. Yet when Solveij be present, easily do I forget the company of others, and quickly do I take on a manner that falls seldom on me. And I be the last in all of Bree to see this truth.
So it be so, that the implications and needling gossips be well earned, if unjust. I be chiefly sorry for Solveij, for she be not wholly blind to it. I can but hope that in time, as the nature of my regard for Solveij and hers for me become better known and understood, that such talk will fade, though I confess I fear it may grate upon me some little while yet. And even if such rumour never fully dissipates, I will surely one day leave Bree-land for some other place in greater need, or it will come time for her to return to her people. This be not a burden that be fated to last evermore.
[Here there is a deep ink-blot, as if the author had paused for a longer moment with his quill resting on the page. The entry continues below]
Yet with this newfound knowledge comes also some strange new feeling, that I understood not fully. Perhaps I have taken the advice of friend Jessiwick more to heart than I guessed, for I was overly forward with Solveij yestereve, and yet I regret it not. Nay, the contrary, I be glad to have laid myself bare and told her plain that I regard her highly. It be strange, never did I imagine myself to be a person of deceit, yet now do I full see how false and untruthful I be. It be disheartening to learn of such faults, yet also be I glad to understand myself better and to better myself. Perhaps this lightness of heart following my speech with Solveij be naught more than selfish joy on my part, yet I hope not. I believe it is not.
It be with this newfound knowledge that I feel myself ready also to speak with friend cousin Arindiis once more, for I have been over unkind to her, as I have been to many others in Bree. I see better now that her and their questions to me were not unearned, and also I see that the fear I felt at such questions was rather a fear at my own lack of clarity, a fear that I be hiding some shameful intent even from myself. There be no shame, for Solveij has acted with naught but honour to me, and my intentions be honourable in turn toward her. We be friends, true friends.
How strange that I should use that word so oft, and come only slow to a knowledge of its full meaning.
It seems fitting to set down, afore I leave these scribed musings for the day, that Solveij herself also was other in manner in some way yestereve. It be difficult, even now with pause for reflection, to say why, for her words lacked clarity, and she seemed to have some mask clouding her intent. All that be certain be that she would meet with me and soon, and in some wood or wildland rather than in the Pony - and there will she tell me some ‘mystery’, reveal some secret.
As like as not it be a pretty bird’s nest, or a strange shaped tree-root, that she would show me, and I mean no slight by that! Strange though it seem, greatly would I enjoy such simple joys in her company, and I fear she knows such over well. Yet truly were there something strange, near-hesitant and unconfident, in her manner, such that I accused her of acting like to my own manner. Yet what it can be that would cause her such pause, I cannot guess.
Then again, perhaps it be no small wonder. For if I be more liberal and joyous in her company, if I take on some small part of her better quality, perhaps it be her doom to suffer likewise a portion of my faults in manner?
But this be maudlin and baseless thought. Suffice it to say I be greatly curious indeed, and whatever may come of it, an afternoon spent in pleasant company be a good afternoon. I be late to the learning of this, but it be a good lesson to learn. And I feel myself better readied now, both to fulfil my duty when roaming afield and to endure the questions of others when home, for I know myself better now, and truly - truly I be glad for it.
And, though it may be that I replace one fault with another, that I strip myself of deceit only to become selfish, I be glad also to have a friend.
[Scribbled at the bottom of the page, seemingly as a reminder]
Write to friend Aske, inform him all be set to be taken care of by me….speak with friend Florris? mayhap he know someone local of quality, he moves in such circles….
