Found:
Disquiet.
My tasks here are largely complete. I have given Taala her news. I have set Neyaa's mind to rest. I have ensured that Toddir is safe and settling in, though he hardly needed my aid for such a thing. All that remains is to see Rhaug again, to set matters right, but that is not something I can do just yet. It is a waiting game. He will make himself known, one way or another, when it suits him to do so and, in truth, I am not yet ready to face him.
These things, done and for the moment undoable, leave me adrift. There is naught immediately ahead or before me. There is naught upon which to place my thoughts. I am unfocused and that, as always, results in the return of intangible torment.
Nightmares.
They have haunted my sleep for as long as I can remember, ripping their way through my slumbering mind with steel claws and slavering jaws. They rend and tear and shred, maul and maim. The legacy of the past.
Over the years, I've found ways to keep them at bay. Utter focus, sheer exhaustion or resting my weary head in places that others dare not tread. The first I have lost for the moment. The second was always better achieved with carnal indulgence than pushing past my physical limitations - it was always much more fun that way too! - but I've had no will or desire for yet more meaningless trysts. The last... with Fornost so close, that last method is still an option.
It is not a solution, of course. I cannot keep going on like this. Although the ghasts there may pay little to no mind for my presence, there remain the orcs and the beasts. Sooner or later my luck will run out. However, tired as I am, I can think of no better way.
With a good nights sleep, I might think of something more permanent. With a decent rest, I might find my way to a better result.
To Fornost, then. I'll make my excuses and depart in the morning, before my sleeplessness becomes too apparent for me to conceal. A day, maybe two and, with luck, I'll be in a better frame of mind from which to tackle this unending issue.
