Found:
Water.
Peace.
Truth.
Whilst my contact continues to plot and plan on my behalf, spurred on by the promise of coin and a night's amusement, I have come down to the lake side. It's a goodly distance to walk and thus further aids my legs. My strength is almost fully returned now, though I still suffer the occasional ache or twinge if I am still for too long. To that end, in my quiet hours, I practise my twists and turns, my jumps and kip-ups. The broken arena in Ost Forod is a good place to run the walls, or climb, and it never hurts to keep my skills sharp in that respect. I've been idle for far too long as it is and although these moves are, by this point, more or less automatic for me, I now have a need to remind my back and legs that they can do as I ask of them.
It has been during those hours of exercise that something has been preying on my mind, prowling around the edges of conscious thought like a lone wolf waiting for its intended victim to drop its guard. That's why I came here. The beauty of the landscape, the soft susurration of the water and the cries of the birds above bring with them an inner quiet, a peace that allows me to further explore those niggles that I would usually blatantly ignore.
It occurs to me that I am, as it stands, a woman at odds with herself.
I have a fair idea of what is to come. I know it will not be easy and the results could be quite unpleasant in a very permanent way. There's every chance that I might not be allowed to leave Rohan alive. That, in and of itself, has not concerned me. Until now.
Now, I stand here, watching the water lap at the beach below, the clouds float lazily by overhead and in the distance I spy a small island. A possible location for the realisation of my project. My plans for a future that I may never see.
What's the purpose in going to all this effort and expense for a tomorrow that I may well be giving up by going back to where it all began?
It needs to be done. There's no question of that. Just "letting it go" isn't enough anymore. That much was made abundantly clear when my half-brothers found me in Bree-land. Even if they don't come for me again, the fact remains that I need to face what was in order to free myself for what may be.
It now occurs to me however that facing it alone may not be the best plan if I actually want to see that far off tomorrow that I hope for. Perhaps I should have sought some company after all.
Dagramir had offered. No, he had decided that he should join me and had thought to leave me little choice in the matter. Given my feelings for him and his situation, I know that allowing him to do so would have been the worst possible decision for both of us.
Toddir. bless his soft and squishy innards, could never make such a long and arduous journey. Our trip to Evendim some time ago was more than enough adventure for him, as I recall. Besides, I would not wish to take him away from his current interests in Bree even were he so inclined toward such an undertaking.
Rhaug then? No, of course not. He has made no secret of his disapproval of my current course. He would never join me even did I ask it of him.
For good or ill, I am as alone in this as I have been in everything else and, as per usual, the fault for that can be placed squarely upon my own shoulders. I have never been one to ask for help. I always wave it off when it is offered and now, when it becomes apparent that I might actually need it, there is no one I can turn to. An unfortunate side effect of making so few connections.
Perhaps it is for the best. Perhaps it would be naught but an unnecessary cruelty to drag another into this mess. Perhaps if I tell myself enough that I can do this, then I will be able to.
I can do this.
I have to.
