I got a letter from Tosie. She said she left Eordion and she loves me.
Just like that. I'd prepared myself to forget her, I'd already admitted it to myself and she rejected me last night. Now this. To be honest, I don't know what to think. I was not expecting it and it took me by surprise. Last night if she'd kissed me, I would have been thrilled and now reading her words I feel a mix of pleasure and trepidation. She used the L word and that's huge. For me anyway.
Penham spotted me and guessed that the note was the source of my distraction. I spoke to him briefly and headed to the Pony, knowing I'd find her there. She was there, looking so lovely, a vision in red. I swear it must represent the blood that goes rushing from the head on my shoulders to the one below the belt. I asked her to come outside, there was a lot of people in the tavern, including Nunen. She saw me and I could see the look of hurt and disappointment in her eyes as I left with Tosie. I felt bad about that, she's a nice girl and very pretty, she caught my eye for a reason but the timing was wrong.
I want her, I know I do. Tosie and I kissed outside but I could feel myself holding back. She's dumped me twice already and I'm wary. I told her as much and she assured me she was certain. I wish I was. It felt good to hold her again and kiss her lips, I wanted more and suggested finding an out of the way place, or even my sister's apartment so we could have privacy but she insisted on dragging me back into the Pony. For what, I don't know.
All in all, I'm going to approach this carefully, I've been hurt and I was hitting the bottom just last night, it's still raw. I was prepared to get over her and suddenly she's back in my arms. I had to cut it short, I was on duty and didn't want some citizen taking it upon themselves to report me for dereliction. I kissed her good bye, leaving her with her brother and waved good bye to Nunen who had found her way outside to sit at the fountain. I wonder if she came to watch us and the looks she gave me made me feel guilty but I'm not sure for what, I only talked to her two or three times before.
I'm going to Tosie's house tonight after my shift is over, perhaps being alone with her and not worrying about people seeing me in uniform I can relax and enjoy our reunion.
