When we were kids, Corrinne and I used to wander the woods near the farm. She always seemed to know what path to take, which way was the right way. Whether it was a keen sense of direction or some kind of intuition I could never figure it out. While I'd blunder along in the underbrush, following false trails and ending up turned around, there would be my twin, finding me to guide me to our destination. We're not children anymore and the paths I tread now are not among the shadows of trees.
I finally had dinner with the boss lady, we had a long conversation, I find it easy to talk to her and we share a lot in common, not just our job. She is not good at holding her ale though and less than a pint made her tipsy. Three drinks did about the same to me. And being that booze loosens the tongue and emboldens the spirit, it was awkward when Cyrril came upon us. Not that we were doing anything worth gossiping about but it was certainly not the most professional meeting. The hobbit was a good sport though, even if I was a bit of a drunken arse to him. When he left, we lingered a bit longer, the Mess Hall empty at the late hour.
I respected Rhyva's wishes and departed soon after she left. I found myself at Halecatch lake for a swim in those cold waters and couldn't help but think of her and of Tosie as well. It was on the shore of that lake where we first were intimate. I still hadn't seen her, it wasn't until the next day at work that I got the package and the letter written in someone else's hand. It said if I should receive this then Tosie was dead. My blood ran cold, even though she had dumped me again, I still care about the girl and I know how sensitive she can be. As soon as I could, I found my way to her house, unsure of why I was there but I knew I needed to be. Even if it was just make sure the house was secure. I walked in, as she had given me a key in the box, and it was silent. There as a fine layer of dust on the table and nothing was disturbed. My chest felt tight, like I was investigating a crime scene and I kept my eyes out for anything unusual. That's when I spotted it. A vial of poison, one of those things cheapjacks sell off their carts and claim it will stop a man's heart in three beats when it's hardly strong enough to kill a rat. For once I'm thankful for shoddy workmanship.
She was under the bed, very much alive though looking a bit worse for wear. It was the memory of her dead daughter that haunted those big dark eyes. I'd read about Meredith in the journal, my heart went out to her. Though my own daughter is alive, I'll never get to do much more than look at her. I've never held her or played with her, taught her anything or told her stories. I'll just be some Watcher she once gave a bit of candy to. I told Tosie about Ada, it's not something I've ever told anyone about other than my immediate family and it's a risk. But what better person to tell a secret to than a mute? I stayed over, holding her as she slept as it seemed to comfort her. I don't know how to deal with this situation. I care about her but she's broken up with me twice because of my inability to spend enough time with her. It isn't fair to keep her waiting and alone. Nor for me to have to go chasing her when she has a fit. As much as it pains me, as I do enjoy her company, in bed and out, I have to end this. Easier said to myself then done.
She looked at me, my little rabbit, and gestured that she wanted me. I do want her to but we don't always get what we want. I told her I wasn't sure, she is in a fragile place and I didn't want her to realize days later that she'd made the same mistake again by getting back together with me. I'd burned her last break up letter, certain that it was final. Now I felt myself waver and said we could maybe take things slow and keep our options open. Why I can't just say no is my own weakness for her. I'll miss those expressive brown eyes, that cute freckled nose and her sweet lips. I'm not able to be the man she wants or needs, I don't know if I love her or not to be honest. But I know that she deserves someone that can give her the attention she needs, that she won't be second to a job. I'll always be her friend, as I told her, I don't just abandon those I care about because we don't agree. I'm playing it by ear, I say I won't begrudge her if she finds another man but in my heart I know it won't be easy to see.
As for work, I need to focus on it. Rhyva gave me a chance, giving me my promotion back and I won't let her down. We've got several new recruits and the Stone Quarter Bandits to worry about, I can't let Mandic have all the glory. The paths are all unclear but for the one in front of me, I've got to stay on it for the sake of my town.
