Daigan's book, entry '101'

''And the truth always comes to light.. I never decided to give it any attention in my writing, but they finally pushed it to the limit. And here I thought Drevorin was my only enemy, but alas, I had to find it much closer. Ilaru has finally shown to what harlot she has turned into. A heartless shrew she has now become, trying to feed this into Blodwynn's mind. Empty promises are made, about protecting Blodwynn, making sure Drevorin will not show up anymore.. Who are they kidding? Themselves? She's a fool and thinks she has outgrown her mangled being, but she hasn't. I've never found myself wishing someones death other than Drevorins, but sadly it seems that my heart wishes for Ilaru to find herself a very painful end. Does she deserve it? Of course she does, she betrays everyone around her with the ease of snapping a finger. How easy she dropped Baecere when he left to help others. I regret ever having helped her, she used everyone with a pathetic little story about her past, and we all fell for it. I always keep my promises and I almost completed the task I set out for Kern and I. All the men, but two, of Ilaru's past have been found and brought back to Gondor for a fair trial. News has reached me that upon hearing their deeds, they decided to lock them all up for eternity, without having the slightest chance of ever getting out. I have sent an order back to receive a detailed documentation of the trial, I am sure I can humor myself with it. Davick is going to be a pain in the ass. Apparently he found out that I had hit Ilaru twice on the head to knock her out, Blodwynn told me to watch out. I held some sort of respect for the man at a certain point, this all has gone away now. He is nothing better than Drevorin, if anything, he's worse. I will not stand idly by when he bullies Jairyth and Adaryn, this might mean I have made myself another enemy. Thorvall came to talk to me the other day after I walked into the Pony. It was clear he had been talking to Ilaru and she had said something that he wanted answers about. How my mind rarely has it wrong, it was indeed about me knocking Ilaru out to bring her to my house, that I decided to take Ilaru to safety after Blodwynn told me she was in danger, was of course never mentioned, why would she? This would make it look like I did a good thing, instead of just being a kidnapper that uses violence to take his victims. Thorvall demanded answers from me, but I told him that this was not his place to worry about. He even tried to lie to me! He told me that there was a man in Ilaru's past that had straw-coloured hair. What was he trying to do? Make me think that this man was him? I know her past, I know his, he isn't in it in any way, yet clearly was offended when I said he had only met her not that long ago. Is this the friend I risked my life for to get him back after that dreadful day in Esteldin? Or will he be the Sergeant he is now, and will I be the outranking Captain? How he is so easily turned around one's finger with a loving smile and a flatter of eyelashes. With women that is. Blodwynn... I truely love her, with all my heart, but I am so confused about all this. Kern and I talked about it, he was right, I was different before I met her, I didn't care about someone's feelings or had ever felt love. He was in doubt if I was still able to sacrifice everyone for the greater good, I told him that I didn't know. Kern felt sad after I said this, I could see it in his eyes. Though right now I am deciding whether or not to take Blodwynn away from here, away from all this. I am not going to be a father-like person to her anymore though, this worked out miserably the last few weeks, she can make her own choices from now on. Though she claims that she will follow my advice without question. Yet when I tell her I think it's unwise for her to spend time with Ilaru, she declines my advice. It annoys me that she spends so much time with Ilaru. Every time I walk into the Prancing Pony I find her spending time with that *Something is hastily covered by ink to hide it*... With Ilaru, she even leaves the house early just so she can get to the Prancing Pony, and she already spends so little time sleeping at my place now her parents know of us. It's tearing me up inside, I wonder if she notices? I doubt she does. I brought her a puppy from Esteldin. She named the little thing ''Barley'', the name suits him. She doesn't leave without him it seems, as today I found her with the puppy in the Prancing Pony. It's cute to see her taking so much care for the beast, she deserves some happiness. They sent me a letter with new orders. I discussed it with Kern and he said he would take care of it. They wish of me to go to the most southern borders of Gondor, to Harad. How will I ever blend in there? I will be seen as a Gondorian from day one, I am far from being a Haradrim. Perhaps this is my punishment for having asked to stay longer, or perhaps forever stationed in Bree-land. Did I ask for too much? I have never asked them for anything, ever. Kern promised he would pull some strings, so we'll see what happens out of that. I must go to sleep now, Blodwynn is most likely to wake up if I go on.''