This will be my last day in the woodland.
I think I am supposed to feel sadness at leaving this place. It is visually stunning and I have made many memories here, some are even good ones. This area, peaceful as it is, and the people who have come to me here have gone a long way to healing me. Together, they have taught me a new way to be, to see the world, to think freely and do as I feel that I should.
These freedoms, small as they are, are precious to me. So many take them for granted, as if these things are theirs by right and can never be taken away, but they are wrong. I know this, I have lived without these things for longer than I can say and now that I have them I shall never give them up.
Because of those I leave behind, Davick, Baecere, Daigan and Avaldir, I am now well on my way to becoming the woman that I should be. Because of them I have finally found my way, I have finally found the strength to tread my own path.
That path leads me away from here now. That path leads me from Bree-land and into the Shire, at least for the time being.
I have been running for so long. I wonder if I know how to stop. Perhaps one day I will, but at least I can now take solace in the belief that I am running toward instead of away. It is a new concept, one that gives me a sense of purpose.
A part of me wishes to say goodbye to those men. It all seems too final, though. Whilst it is true that I do not expect to see any of them again, Davick especially, I would still rather depart on a high note than a low one. I will not allow my expectations or lack thereof to influence this. I will not put the stamp of certitude on it. There will be no more goodbyes for although this is ended, it is not over.
Maybe one day I will return to Bree-land. It has been my home, and my prison, since birth. Maybe one day I shall come back. Maybe then I shall be somebody new. Maybe then I shall be who I should have been, or who I will be.
The changes in me have been many, but they are not over yet. I feel as incomplete as I do empty. There is more work to be done, more living to do, more experiences to have and lessons to learn. I am unfinished.
I look around now and I feel no regret. I feel no sadness, no apprehension, no fear. Somewhere, lurking beneath the calm and icy waters of my slowly beating heart, lies the beast of emotion but it slumbers now. The thrashing it took yesterday at the hands of the one I love has subdued it far beyond anything I have yet known. For that, I am grateful. I cannot hurt if I cannot feel and I cannot feel if the monster sleeps.
I turn from the present now. I turn from the past. Such things still have a hold on me, but no longer will I allow them to rule my life. I look toward the future and I take my first steps forward.
