Thoughts - 1

"Why am I here?" "Because I was offered something great if I came here. Because I was offered... freedom. Free will. Free action. No more whips, no more torture. No more..." "Why do I enjoy... this, here, now?" "Because... I feel safe? Perhaps... Or it was somethign I yearned for, but did not allow others to receive..." "Why... does he say he loves me?" "What is love, but a yearning, for all I know? And though he says he enjoys my company, so have many others until I resisted them. And though he says he wishes to give, so have others- ... so has -he- said, and given, but without promise of care and love." "Is this... reality? Is... this all truth? Or more lies... Illusions cast to lure me, to take me in...?" "But it seems real, doesn't it? I have slept, truly slept. I have rested. I am not tense, here, in this haven. If it is a lie, I enjoy it, and I hope it endures, and all else goes away." "But I will have do pay my price, won't I?" "And if I hide? If I hide here long enough, perhaps, perhaps I will not need to pay the price of freedom..." "But when they come, they kill me, or demand why I never returned and torture me for my foolishness." "I am doomed, to live one lie or another, to never heed my own wishes or will save by illusion. It will not matter." "Do I love... him?" "What is love? I enjoy his company. I feel safe, and I care not if I share my wishes with him. He has handled me with care. But do I trust him? By oath I do. Do I trut him beyond the oath? ... Perhaps I do. But I seek his flaws. I seek signs of lies and weakness. I seek proof that -his- words are right..." "What do... what do I enjoy?" "I enjoy rest, sleep. I enjoy to have time, to care for myself, as I only once have had, and only briefly as taste what freedom could be. -He- taught me much, and I enjoyed learning the new beyond slavery. So I love and hate all things, of tongues and songs and writings, of history of the High Men and the Elves, but I suppose I do enjoy most song which I always was fobidden. And I remember the tears when -he- let me learn a little of it. The yearning and peace of the golden harp that I could touch..." "Did I take in the culture and being of those that enslaved me?" "Did I? Or did I resist it so that I was alienated from them, as I have been from all things? I spit at the teachings I received. But I cling on to them. 'A lesser woman learning the arts of the Highborn. You are privileged.' And I am honored. And I hate it." "So who am I?" "I am Aerina. He calls me Brethil. They called me Slave. -He- gave me another name. I am Aerina. I love and hate. I am my own doom."