Diary.
This is my first time I’ve come home in days. Well, whatever this place is. I’ve moved twice so far. This time, I couldn’t bare the sight of it…
I walked in, I found it all a mess..blood everywhere..broken things, the chickens loose in the garden, only Ellyanna’s dress was intact, the thing I bought for my love back when we were first courting…I keep it safe. It still has the scent of her. I miss her, I miss the baby. We had picked names the day before they took her…Elias for a boy, Milana for a girl. I’m pretty sure it would’ve been a girl. Lassies don’t have a good fist, but they kick hard. That was it, our Little Fish, our little spot of happiness.
I wasn’t meself, I’m not completely meself even now that the storm has passed…the first shock. if it weren’t for my friends’ shoulders to weep on, Thogen, Aweirgan, Sefa, Juhryhu and Gweneira, I don’t want to imagine what I would’ve done. Awi and Gwen did let me stay under them roof for a night. They did move in together after all. I’m jealous of their bliss, but I like to see them together. Fills ya heart with warmth. I wish all the bloody best for them. Sefa hosted me in her home for more, made me feel welcome. And even when the Red Rose Assassins came for me, she offered shelter and protection. She’d a real pal and I owe her, crazy mad-hatter but has her heart in the right place.
Helga went on a quest to find the one responsible for Ellyanna’s death, came back with a bloodied ring that I had given to her..copper brand and an amethyst on top, of my own make. My heart rests in peace now, though it still aches.
And like always I made a mistake. The elf, Talaith fell in love with me and I didn’t have the brains to resist back then. She reminded me of her in a way...I was a fool to believe I’d have her back. Talaith was fun at first,despit things got out of control. We went too far and too quick. Not to mention, I felt guilty for her abandoning her immortality. She then kept hurting me for her amusement, making me miserable, or pretend I wasn’t there, avoid me. I tried to hang meself to get her to give me a glance, but she did the same the day after. I broke, and left her. She tried to off herself twice, but I saw she was doing it all for the show. She didn’t actually want to, and I bet if I had let her, she’d stop trying. Very ungrateful though, I let her stab me shoulder the first time, just to take the knife out of her hands and her heart, then she did it again.
At least Juhryhu knows me and cares for me, and I for her. She’s one of the few people who I could tell anything to. People see her as a scarred savage, but they judge too quick. She’s got incredible strength and loyalty, honest, never tells a lie. I can see she’s not as hideous as Awiergan wants to believe, her features were once unscarred, still now are well shaped if you take a moment to look. He hates me though, doesn’t want to talk to me because of her. It’s always a loss for me, I’m starting to get used to it. I just hope I can make it up to him somehow… he’s one of my most trusted buds. he tried to warn me about Talaith and elves in general, bashed me a few times with the shield. But I still didn’t listen...
And I still need to find a way to make Ahree pay. He betrayed our friendship, one of em killers told me he was the one to hire them. Thankfully enough my contract was cancelled cause of another one from them bunch. My farming clothes, with a splatter of swine-blood and a few cuts did the trick. I forget her name…but I woe he my life. And to Lamaenon as well, as he stood between meself and the drawn blades. Me and the bloody elf fought them, I managed to stab one of the Red-hoods and we fled into the Forsaken Inn. That’s where we found Shieldman. That man looks so much like Awiergan, but he’s bigger and more foolish...a friend nonetheless. He too warned me not to be ensnared by the elves, but Nay! I had to be an idiot.
We camped somewhere in the Lone-lands and I kept looking up at the night-stars. I saw two new ones..one bright and a smaller one very close to it, as If they were holding eachother hand-by hand..or perhaps they were an entity. I couldn’t tell. It must be Ellyanna’s, and the Little-Fish’s, looking over me from up there. I grinned and waved to them.
Rest in peace my love, and take care of our child.
I’ll keep going ‘till we meet again.
