Grand Order of the Lost Mathom

There’s a story spreading all across the Shire
A tale of dust and deceit
How that fiend Ted Sandyman set out to mine
‘I’ll get all the ores’
‘I’ll get all the ores’

Come here hobbits
Let me tell you a story from our northern lands
Where a young lad woke one day
Felt the need to go out of bounds
“I’ll go far away to see the sights
“Adventure is calling me on
“Dwarrows and elves, menfolk too
“Waiting for me far from my Shire home”

As some of yer know, I grew up in Brockenborings. When I was little, I used to run around a lot with me friends, looking for berries in the Bindbole Woods, fishing in the local streams and playing with the sheep grazing on the fields. However, even though we roamed far and wide, we never missed any meals back home. Not least because me ma enjoyed inviting the neighbours over for tea.

I’m cloaked in the dark, you can’t see me
I roam like a wolf, both wild and free
No challenge to huge, no task to hard
I’ll seek out all the treasure under yer guard
Keep secrets at bay and lock yer door
But here I come, sneaking cross the floor
So ma, understand I’ll claim what’s mine
The treasure upon which I will dine

Lotho was a feeble lad, his arms as thin as splinters
Not exactly handsome, with a laugh that made yer wince
Everybody knew that Lotho had his eyes on Rosie
‘I will dance with her, and I will be her prince’

A little bird shivers in the cold
The frosty fog keeps him in its hold
When a chirping song makes him feel alright
Friends all around
in the starlit night

A long-lost sheep running through the field
No sign of home, now its fate is sealed
When a friendly bark comes from yonder height
Friends all around
in the starlit night

A taller lad yer never saw
The stoutest Took in farthings four
A full-size steed he rode with pride
His club was longer than an oar

On Greenfields hobbits rallied round
The hero of the goblin war
He killed their king in one fell swoop
And took his place in hobbit lore

Oh Bullroarer, we bow to you
This bright and festive spring-time day
Whenever danger roams our land
Your bravery will show the way