Leston shut the door after Delioron had stepped inside and bolted it behind him.
”The woman of Harad is getting restless. And you know what?” Leston stared at Delioron with his big, bulging eyes. ”I think she hates Gondor and us Gondorians.”
”If she did not, she would be the first person from Harad I’ve ever met who didn’t.”
”I pity her. She’s scared. She even talks to Gondorians.”
”Where is Radawen?”
”With the woman of Harad. They are in the sleeping room.”
Delioron opened the door to the sleeping room. Leston lived in a modest wooden house near the courtyard of Arnach by Forlong’s Hall. It was an ugly house with a pretty view. Delioron suspected Leston had done his share of stealing during his many years in Parthadan’s service before he could afford to retire here. He had had plenty of opportunities for stealing.
Tilyh was sitting on the bed, still wearing the same gray woolen dress.
”Lord, have you any news?”
”All is going well”, Delioron said.”I will ride for Pelargir. I have made contact with the Corsairs.”
The latter part was a lie. He sensed that she understood that. Her expression remained sullen.
”When?”
”Tonight.” He glanced at Radawen. She understood.
Radawen got up. ”Tilyh, I will be right back.”
”Yes, yes”, she said. She stared at the setting sun through the window. Her face was old and haggard. She had not slept through a single night since that nightmarish day two weeks ago when she had heard of Muldal’s death. She had ridden with Pharazbalak, the Corsair steward of Lady Meldis, a long way from Pelargir to Arnach. She was scared of them all. The Gondorians. The Corsairs. Leston had interrogated her, carefully, relentlessly. She had told him everything. She did not care if she died. She should have stayed in Pelargir. She was just as dead as Muldal.
Outside the sleeping room Delioron took Radawen by her arm and led her to Leston’s study. Leston did not do anything for a living anymore, he had earned or stolen enough to get by for the rest of his days, but he did have a study. On one wall there was a bookshelf reaching to the ceiling, shelves neatly filled with books. There was a writing desk with a few sheets of parchment Leston had been writing on. Leston called it ”his chronicles”.
Delioron closed the door behind him. He had the sense to lock it. He sat on the chair in front of the wooden writing desk. Radawen sat on a wooden bench.
”I hate wooden benches”, she said. ”They remind me of the Houses of Lore.”
Delioron devoured her with his eyes. He stared, trying to see everything. He wanted to take it with him. He wanted to frame Radawen like a portrait.
”What are you going to do?” she said.
”There are some more details to take care of. I will be in Pelargir a few days from now.”
”I am a detail!”
Radawen was wearing a pale linen tunic and silver earrings. Delioron did not remember having ever seen her wearing earrings before. Her eyes were like green crystals.
”That’s right. I have written my last will and testament.”
”Come on!”
”I have given it to Leston. I have a lot of money. Some of it is inheritance money from my father’s side, through Meldis. Parthadan owes me some more. The throne of Gondor bought my estate in the Cape of Belfalas”, Delioron said vaguely. His gray eyes shifted in the dying light of the late afternoon. ”You will get it through Parthadan.”
”Why are you staging this grand farewell?”
”Because it probably is. And because I love you.”
Radawen looked at her hands resting on her lap. When she looked up at Delioron again, her eyes had grown a little angry. ”And what am I supposed to do with all that money if you get killed?”
”Getting killed is what I got paid for.”
”Spare me your wit!”
”All right then. What do you want me to say?”
”I want you to tell me where we will meet again.”
”I am trying to tell you how it is. They want to kill me. They will likely succeed. But nobody will come after you. I will make sure of that.”
”That’s what you told me last summer. Just hide for two years, and that’s it? You thought I would be safe. But I wasn’t.”
”That’s right.” Delioron bit on his thumbnail. ”But you should have been. I think it’s all connected to Tilyh’s situation. The closer I get to the truth, the more they want to see me dead. And it’s not only Sauron’s people anymore.”
”Why can’t Parthadan help you?”
”He has helped. But there is only so much he can do for me if he wants to survive himself. He is now interested in the fact that Captain Bangion is trying to deceive him. His title as the Warden of the Green is all that matters to Parthadan. That’s the thread I’m pulling from.”
”I have talked to Tilyh for hours. She is completely out of her mind. And her son! Can you get him out of Umbar?”
”No”, Delioron said.
”Valar!”
”I don’t think they will harm him.”
”You keep hoping for things that never come true.”
”They have no reason to harm him. They have plenty of reasons to harm Tilyh though. I think I will try to make a deal with Captain Fangnir, if he’s open for trading.”
”What would you have to trade with?”
Delioron looked surprised. ”Myself. My life for the lives of Tilyh and Si’nol. It depends on whether they are open for trading.”
”What in the name of the Valar are you saying?”
”The same thing I tried to tell you in Minas Tirith. I was trying to make you understand. They want to kill me more than anything else. So what would they have to lose if they let Tilyh go and give her her son back, if they get me in exchange?”
”How can you just give up like that?”
”I am not sure it will work either. But I do know that I can’t just sail to Umbar to fetch the boy. They must give him up voluntarily.”
Radawen looked at him. Her eyes were moist. ”You bastard! You mean to let yourself be killed! You don’t even care what I want.”
”On my terms. If I can arrange it that way”, Delioron said. ”I told you this already.”
”Why are you doing this for her? She means nothing to you. What about me?”
Delioron rubbed his chin with his hand. He was tired. His mouth was still smarting from Demrîng’s punch. ”There are limits to trust, Radawen. I think you have already learned that much. But I am not going to lie to you.”
For the first time ever Delioron appeared vulnerable. He looked at Radawen, palms open, feet spread apart. ”I used you in Imloth Melui. The time has come to pay the piper.”
”I did not care about that. I love you.”
”And I love you. But what does it matter? If we cannot survive, that is.”
”What about Meldis?”
”She will be alright. An old friend of mine is protecting her now, and Pharazbalak is on his way back. When it’s all over you can tell all about it to her, should your duty to family demand it.”
”You arrogant bastard!”
”Precisely”, Delioron said. ”A bastard!” His gray eyes gleamed in the red light of the setting sun. ”My father was a minor noble of Pelargir. He served in the navy as captain. He sunk with his ship during a battle against the Corsairs. I never met him. My mother was a harlot and a drunkard. When I saw Muldal for the first time I recognized her immediately. At first I was just intrigued. Then her son got killed. And then Tilyh appeared. No, I don’t know her and I don’t want to know her either. She is one of those poor delusional souls in this world who think they are entitled to happiness.”
Radawen brushed his cheek. ”Your mother…”
”Meldis was right. She was a drunkard and a harlot.” Delioron stared out of the window. The sun had already set, and the sky was red. ”She drank strong wine for breakfast, the same way Muldal drank her wine that morning. I could not save either of them. What about Tilyh? Oh well, who says people can’t delude themselves?”
”I do. My happiness matters.”
”You would never find happiness with me, my girl!”
”I was never allowed to try.”
”I loitered on the streets of Pelargir”, Delioron said. ”I killed a boy. I was eleven years old.”
”You killed a boy?”
”It was senseless. He led a pack of boys, and they kept that part of the docks as their own. I had to pass through it each day. One afternoon I bought a small dagger down at the harbor. I still remember the dagger. It had a yellow handle. I bought it with money I had stolen.”
Radawen stared at Delioron. The memory made his eyes gleam. There was a funeral tone in his monotone voice.
”I knew what I had to do. He came to spit his scorn at me, and I pulled the dagger and thrust it into him. Straight into his heart.”
”By the Valar!”
”He could not believe it. He was holding on to my tunic. A big boy. A stupid bully.” Delioron smiled coldly. ”I shoved him, and he fell.” He looked at Radawen. ”Do you see now? Nobody turned me into a killer. I was born that way.”
Radawen said nothing.
”The guards caught me red-handed. They didn’t know what to do with me at first. The punishment for murder in Pelargir is hanging, but I was so unusually young for a murderer. The city magistrate was still arguing about whether to hang me or to place me in service with the River-fleet when my great-aunt Meldis came to the rescue. She acknowledged me as the rightful heir of House Orchaldor, and the matter was thus resolved – I was now of noble blood, and noble people are special people who have special privileges. I was released under her guardianship. Meldis took care that I never saw my mother again.”
”What happened to her?”
”She burned in that hovel we called home a few months later. Passed out trying to cook food, I guess. She was not fit to take care of herself. I used to do the cooking for the both of us.”
”You could not have saved her.”
”I was never allowed to try.”
They sat still for a moment, frozen like actors in the Blue Theatre waiting for the lights, the magic of music or words to release them from their immobility.
”Why do you want to kill yourself?”
”Because I have never wanted anything but you”, Delioron said. His tone changed. ”And if I can’t have you, nothing else matters anymore.”
Radawen giggled. Delioron looked at her. Then he smiled. She began to untie the laces of her tunic. She took off her tunic and stood up. Delioron touched her. He started undressing himself. Radawen pressed herself against him.
”By the Valar, how I love you!” Radawen said, crying. He could feel her tears on his bare shoulder. He squeezed her too hard, but she did not mind. Delioron kissed her eyes and tasted her tears.
Afterwards they lied on the wooden bench for minutes, holding on to each other.
”No more tears”, he said. ”Everything will be all right.”
”Stop lying to me. Not now!” Radawen said.
”Maybe it will work out.”
”You don’t even believe it yourself.”
”No I don’t.”
”There is no way out”, she said.
”No.”
”I want you to save yourself because of me. No more farewells, no more facts”, Radawen said. ”It is you I want. There must be a deserted island somewhere and a rowing boat to get there! Sauron is not almighty, or is he?”
”No.”
”Then save yourself! I will return to Minas Tirith tomorrow. I’m not afraid of them. I am made of sterner stuff than that lot.”
”Don’t leave yet. It is not safe yet.”
”When will it be?”
”When you hear news of me.”
”You are not coming back. You bastard! You’re lying there and holding me, but you are gone already. You scoundrel!”
There was another silence.
”Look”, Radawen said, leaning on one elbow and looking at him. ”If you get killed, I would feel awful. But if you just die, if you just walk in there, lie down and play dead, I will never forgive you. Put aside all your doubts and secrets and lies for once and promise me you will not go there to play dead! Not for them!”
Delioron kissed her.
”Promise me!” she said. She had not moved an inch.
”I won’t die”, Delioron said. ”And if I get killed, I want you to feel awful about it. But I promise. No more doubts, no more secrets, no more lies.” He kissed her again. ”I refuse to die.”
