Laureanis’ eyes no longer changed color with her shifting emotions in the light of the sun and the stars. They had settled into dull grey, the same color as the afternoon sky this day in late autumn when the summer was dying. Her eyes no longer revealed anything of her. It was as though all the moments of grief and misery of her life had finally managed to build a wall behind her eyes, an impenetrable, grey wall that barred all sunlight from getting in.
Laureanis had been almost dead when Delioron had gotten back to Imladris in the small hours of the night, having almost killed his horse to get there as fast as he could. Elrond’s healers had not been very optimistic upon seeing her, but they had done all they could to save her life.
Elrond had, of course, been full of questions. What had happened? Delioron had been heard asking directions to Delossad in the Last Homely House yesterday morning. Was that where he had found her? How had he known she would be there? Why had she gone there? Who had attacked her in Delossad?
Delioron had still respected Laureanis’ wish to say as little as possible to Elrond. He had shown the elf-lord the note from Laureanis he had received in his room the morning before. The mention of Maglor ’in the Halls of Mandos’ had not aroused Elrond’s suspicions, as it was commonly believed among the Eldar that Maglor must have met his end thousands of years ago. Elrond had interpreted the message as a suicide note, but why had she gone to Delossad and who had attacked her there? Delioron had said he had heard Laureanis mention the name a few times, but he had no idea why. He had found Laureanis in Delossad in the same state she had been in when he had carried her into the Last Homely House, grievously wounded and unconscious.
Elrond had sent his sons Elrohir and Elladan to Delossad to investigate the ruins, but they came back empty-handed. Elrohir and Elladan had found nothing in Delossad, only dilapidated ruins where no man could had lived in for centuries. Elrond’s sons made no mention of any garden, so Delioron assumed that the illusory garden had disappeared along with it’s mysterious occupant. She must have taken away Cugusaelon’s remains as well, because Elrohir and Elladan made no mention of him either.
Laureanis had survived her injury after all. The healers at the Last Homely House had considered it a small miracle. Delioron had stayed by her side. For long afternoons he had sat in her room by her bed as the cold winds of late autumn had swept the remaining yellow and red leaves from the trees and the sunlight was obscured by the grey veil of approaching winter.
Laureanis had survived, but she had grown thin and grown old. She did not speak often when Delioron came to see her. She could not explain the melancholy that had descended upon her, coloring her days and nights grey. They were sitting by the Hidhuinen again this afternoon in the late autumn when the summer was dying.
”I wish you had not come so soon”, she said to Delioron after a long silence. Her voice was gentle, as if she had forgiven Delioron for saving her life. ”I went to Delossad to die. I did not want this.”
”Why?” he asked.
”You mortal men believe that elves are immortal – that we can only die out of accident or an act of violence. But it is not the whole truth. Elves can die out of grief too. It is called ’fading’ among our kind, but it is very painful and takes a long time. I would have preferred a quick end.”
”But don’t elves go to the Undying Lands? Even those who die violent deaths in this world? Doesn’t Mandos reanimate your spirits in new bodies so you will live in Aman forever? Why don’t you simply sail to Aman and look for Maglor there?”
She turned to look at him then. His grey eyes and wintry face seemed to reflect the coldness inside her. Her eyes had become dull and without depth. The mirror of her fëa had been shattered and swept away like broken glass.
”It is not that simple. When an elf dies, her naked fëa receives the summons of Mandos. Most are brought to the Halls of Mandos where they will have their Time of Waiting, during which all their hurts are redressed and healed. But there are also those who reject the summons and become the Unbodied, their spirits wandering Arda for all eternity, haunting the places they once knew. Some elves who committed wicked deeds in their life will be given a long Time of Waiting before they can be re-embodied. And some will never be allowed to come back to life if their crimes are deemed wicked enough. I do not know the fate of Maglor’s fëa, but I do know that I want to remain by his side, wherever he is. I do not want to wait for him in Aman for all eternity in vain.”
For a moment Laureanis’ eyes glistened with tears. ”I long to be wounded each day by Maglor’s memory. I want the thought of him to always cause me pain, day by day, year by year, until I fade away, leave behind this hröa and be reunited with him once again. I don’t care if it’s in the Halls of Mandos or as an unbodied spirit haunting the world, as long as I will be with him again.”
Delioron stared at her haunting, darkly lovely face and glistening eyes in silence. He thought about his own life of betrayals, lies, broken promises and hateful acts and in that moment he understood her. He put his hand in a pocket of his cloak and pulled out Maglor’s pendant. He dropped it on Laureanis’ lap.
She stared at the three sparkling white jewels against the fabric of her dress until tears blurred her eyes and the jewels became only vaguely whitish shapes in her vision. She could feel the tears streaming down her cheeks. When she wiped them away, she felt the pain of tears stinging in her eyes. She wiped at them harshly with the back of her hand.
When she looked up, Delioron was gone. He had disappeared like a ghost disappears in sunlight, leaving no trace behind, as if he had never been there in the first place. The evening had come quickly. The sun was already setting.
Laureanis would never see Delioron again.
She put Maglor’s pendant in the pocket of her dress and got up from the bank of Hidhuinen. Slowly she walked up the slope towards her small house by the river Bruinen.
Delioron had understood her in the end. He had understood the nature of her sorrow. He had given her a souvenir to keep Maglor’s memory fresh in her mind for all the long years left to her. And then, at last, if there was any justice in this world she would find him again in the afterlife where their fëar would once again be united and they could finally be together again until the end of times. As they were always meant to be.
