Cold winds whipped past him tugging at his robes, pulling his hair back from his face. The taste of the sea was in his mouth, and he could feel the salt upon his skin. The stone cliff beneath his feet fell several hundred feet away below him, yet the white foam of the waves crashing into the rock still had the power to throw spray high enough to soak his robes. The day was growing late, the heat of Vása spent for the day. He shivered slightly; the wet robes clung to him, pulling the warmth from his flesh. He pulled his cloak tighter about himself, knowing it was a foolish gesture even as he did it.
Grey storm clouds were approaching the shore slowly, bringing heavy rain. The air felt charged, likely lightning would accompany the deluge. He watched the ship racing towards the safety of the harbour, wondering idly if it would reach port before the fury of Ossë caught it. He hoped it would.
He sighed softly to himself, wondering again why he had come to the shore of the sea, taunting himself with something he could not have. Danel had suggested that they may one day take ship to explore the islands northwards, but he had declined. He had spoken half of the truth; he feared to step foot aboard a ship, and she had been satisfied with the answer. Yet Estarfin did not believe she understood how strongly he felt the call of the sea, willing him to abandon his oaths and duty for the far white shores and the whispers of peace in his heart. To step aboard a ship? He feared that would be a step too far that he would be unable to return from. He stared Westwards, hope and regret warring within his heart.
His thoughts turned to Danel, and how much they had shared with each other in their recent journeys together. There was an understanding between them finally. It concerned Estarfin at times how much he had told Danel, how vulnerable he had made himself. Yet she too had told Estarfin many things, of her past, and future hopes. And he had sought to constrain those hopes, at least a little. There would come a time when the meagre defences of the petty kingdoms of Men would fall, and the Noldor no longer had the numbers or strength to hold back the tide of darkness that would spill forth from the East. He knew he would be called to battle, a battle that could not be won. He had begged Danel to not remain upon these shores when all hope was gone, all strongholds broken, and the forests burned. Finally, she had relented.
“You have my word now, I will depart when things are beyond saving.”
It was a bitter proclamation, yet it eased his heart to know that even in their final defeat, not all would be utterly lost. He watched the ship racing past the cliffs, the rain was now falling freely and the wind blowing hard. He could hear the sails snapping as the wind swiftly changed direction, and could see the crew scrambling to alter the rigging and sails.
His thoughts turned to Parnard, and his mood darkened. He had been angry with him for departing Imladris without notice, but he had begun to understand. He had been sorely wounded and recovery was slow. He understood that he would have been a burden on the road, for what use is a warrior who can no longer wield his weapons? He understood, but still he would have thought his friend would have at least spoken to him of it. He had tried to keep the anger from his voice when he had spoken to Parnard of it the previous night.
***
“I was surprised at your sudden departure, great need must have driven you perhaps?” His friend had offered little explanation in turn, seeming to fumble for reason or excuse at his behaviour. Finally he had settled with the argument.
“If I were to go to the Greenwood, and sit before Brasseniel's father, Captain of the King's Guard, how would it look to have an envoy of fierce looking flame-eyed Noldor staring at him? My people are very suspicious, you must realise that by now.”
Estarfin could barely believe the words of the Silvan Elf, and fury grew within him at such an insult. How dare he suggest that he would be ashamed to be seen with Noldor? No, it must be a mistake, his friend would not treat him with such disdain surely?
“'You left without word because you did not wish to be seen with Noldor?”
“No, Estarfin!” Parnard exclaimed “I - well. I uh, I. I did not know what to say.” He looked at Estarfin then, trying to explain how little he meant to him. “So many wished to go with me. And to tell them all 'no', especially you, Estarfin friend.” Parnard bowed at that point “I am sorry I did not say anything. I did not even tell Sogadan It was wrong of me. But my brother is so impatient, and it was - difficult to resist his urges.”
Any fury that Estarfin had felt at Parnard’s words seemed to turn to ice inside him suddenly at the words. He had thought Parnard ashamed of him, now he saw that he had thought almost nothing of him at all. He cursed his foolishness inwardly, and sought to leave swiftly to save further misunderstanding between them.
”I am glad that I did not have to inconvenience you with my presence. The hour is late, and there is no sport here.” He glanced up at the dark sky as he did so.
Parnard would not let it stand, however. “Inconvenience! It was no inconvenience. I wanted you to come, but it was not possible.”
Estarfin nodded, willing the conversation to be over swiftly. “No, I see that.”
“'I do not think you see it at all. I made the best decision I thought, at the time. It was a hard time…”
Danel looked concerned at the turn in the conversation, and had tried to cool tempers and delay any further anger. “I think we may need to consider this in the morn?”
Estarfin had ignored the advice, his humours were ill at such treatment from a mere Silvan Elf. “You asked me to travel with you to that dark and dingy forest, and against my better judgement I agreed.”
It was then that Parnard spoke with anger in his voice. “It sounds as if I was the one that did you a favour. You should be thanking me!”
Estarfin could not let that stand. Though he had been wounded, he had needed the pity of none. He stepped towards Parnard, all thoughts of fellowship gone from his mind. “Even now you offer insult?”
Perhaps he understood that he had spoken unjustly to Estarfin, for at this point he stepped back. But instead, he simply continued to speak with anger in his voice. “'No, no insult. 'You are taking insult where none was meant! All I can do is apologise, but you will not have it. You cast aspersions upon my homeland, and tell me you did not even want to go there in the first place.”
Estarfin was angry, and spoke unjustly then, “Why would I choose to visit that place a second time? Once was enough.” He paused and took a breath, then said sadly “ I thought to accompany you for fellowship. Now I see that thought was misplaced.”
“Oh, what good is it talking to a meathead! You and your stubborn pride.” Parnard retorted.
Estarfin was silent for a moment, almost unable to believe the utter disdain that Parnard had in his voice. He had been mistaken in their fellowship, he saw that now. Yet he could not allow another insult to stand unanswered. He thought to draw his sword on the spot, but held his fury with some difficulty. “You insult me again? There will not be a third time.”
“Here comes Estarfin, swinging his fists when the milk is spilt! Is that all you know how to do?”
“If you would both stand down and consider,” pleaded Danel in a quiet voice. “All this is over a misunderstanding. Words are being spoken that are unjust.”
Estarfin heard her words, and left his sword sheathed. There would be time to settle this matter of honour in the days to come. He took a deep breath, looked at Parnard once and then set off to find somewhere peaceful to watch the stars.
***
He found sanctuary in a place hallowed to Tintallë and watched the stars as they began to shine through the night sky. Presently, Danel found him in his solitude and stood silently with him for a while.
“She hears you” Danel said to him quietly, for a moment he was confused, then realised he was murmuring an old prayer to the Star Kindler under his breath that he had been taught by his father, long ago.
“She is the only constant we have.” Estarfin sighed. “I forget that sometimes.”
Danel turned from the stars, and looked at Estarfin. “I.....I am sorry that happened. I would rather by far we hunted rabbits.” She paused, looking concerned. “Is it alright with you that I am here?”
Estarfin nodded, not taking his eyes from the stars overhead. “Of course.” he said. “ It is good to have company at such times.”
Danel nodded slowly. “'There is much that I could say, but I would only speak meaningfully.....in this place. The Lady who watches over us all is the strength we need, yet I would aid you where I can, though I know not if it be within my capabilities.”
Estarfin looked down from the stars briefly. “Aid?”
“Help, reassure, strengthen..comfort. However you would put it. Though I am no way implying you need aid. Tintallë is enough.” She paused for a moment, and watched the stars again with Estarfin.”The stars will still bless us for some hours yet.”
They stood then in silence for some time, needing nothing but the beauty of the stars above them. Finally, Estarfin broke the silence. “This night brought a wound that I did not expect. The joy of finding our friend here, after our searching. Yet he has such disdain in his heart?”
Danel looked at him, her thoughts interrupted and stepped a little closer. “'Neither did I. I dare to say, I understand your pain. At least a little” She paused, then said “Though I cannot understand why he addressed you so. I ponder the matter. It seems...out of character for him”
“But the words.....he should not have insulted you. Can it be he has forgotten what we are like?” She sighed, trying to understand the harsh words that had been spoken. “Ah....but you restrained your temper. That was well done.”
Estarfin replied “'He is... was, a loyal friend. Why would I strike him? What did he have to fear from me?”
“He said to me he thought you may slay him?” She shook her head as she spoke the words, almost unwilling to believe them. “He knows that would never do so. I told him, that while you are quite capable, never would you do so.” Danel shook her head, unable to grasp what had happened “'I do not understand where it came from. He knows you well enough....” She paused, thinking. “I also understand if you choose to speak not with him again....but… I deem there is more to this than appears. I would say harden not your heart until we understand? I could speak with him perhaps, though I know not if he will listen. But if he does and can offer explanation, and apologises of course… May it be this friendship can yet be salvaged?” There was little hope in her voice to Estarfin’s ears as she spoke.
His reply was a little cold. “I do not understand him, I do not think I ever truly have. Speak to him if you wish, but be wary. A dog that bites once is liable to do so again.”
Danel nodded. “If he is to be found, I will find him. If he offers explanation, I will tell you. Then it is your choice.”
“You speak of choice. What choice would you make, had he spoken to you in such a way? If he had torn all friendship asunder?”
Danel paused for a moment at the question. “Much the same as you. My thoughts are only....there is something rather wrong with that outburst. I almost think not that it was aimed at you? If there be a reason...and that a good one...I would hear it.”
They stood silently again, both thinking. Estarfin nodded. “Speak to him then, if you will. Yet he must know, if he lays challenge or insult at my feet once more, whatever friendship there was between us will not stay my hand. It will not be suffered.”
Again, there was silence for a while. “Ai.....it nigh broke my heart that he addressed you so. I will make sure he understands that. I do wonder how much he understands us? He must know no challenge will go unanswered?”
“'Perhaps that is his wish?” Estarfin mused quietly.
“To die?” Danel asked disbelievingly. “But you would not slay him, less he drew weapon on you.” She watched Estarfin, but he did not respond. Sadly, she nodded, understanding. “So be it, Lord. May it not come to that.”
“The choice is entirely his.” Estarfin replied.
