‘How am I doing, Eda?’ I thought, as we entered the small home where she, Waelden and Ethel had lived. ‘I know, I have not done so well of late, but once I am hale again there will be more of a difference. You will see.’
As usual, Eda did not reply when I spoke with her. It always seemed to me I was doing my best with her family, even though I had nothing but support and love from Waelden, and, after a very short time, the same from Ethel. I wanted Eda to be proud of us all, taken as she was from them in the prime of life.
Ethel was happy at the least. She had swiftly overcome her self-doubt regarding the Troll attack and, particularly with her papa’s reassurance, was back to her normal self. She had run up the small hill to the house and its yard, almost whooping with excitement. Then her voice sounded through the door she opened.
“Look at my room! It’s not much bigger than a closet!”
I looked to Waelden who, alongside me, was just entering the yard. “The folk who left took better care of the vegetables and flowers than I ever managed.” said he.
Then Ethel was back out, finding a cat or two in the yard to stroke. “They didn’t change much,” she announced. “And someone cleared out all the rubble over here,” she pointed to a space beside the stable.
Of a sudden, I felt as if my legs were about to give way beneath me. Weakness engulfed me, and there was a gnawing emptiness inside that chilled me. I swayed slightly, struggling not to alarm the others. It was the first such big ‘attack’ since we departed Faldham.
Waelden had turned as a guard came through Floodwend’s gate and was walking uphill towards us. He gave a ‘hail’ which Waelden returned.
“Good to see you again, sir! The place is in a good condition. You know the drill, we are only a short distance away if there are any issues. I will have the storekeep send up some provisions soon.” The middle aged man saluted briefly, and beamed a hearty smile. “No chance of you moving back here, I suppose?”
From the warmth of the exchange, it seemed to me this was someone who had known Waelden quite well.
“Nay, I am afraid we are only visiting. We live in Bancross now, in Kingstead.”
The guard nodded, then inclined his head to Ethel and I.
“And good to see you too, Eda and..”
I think he ‘saw’ me for the first time, and must have realised I could not be her.
“This is Yllfa, Bada. She is my woman, and Ethel’s mama now. ”Waelden gently corrected the guard.
“I have two mama’s, Bada.” Ethel smiled. “I love them both.”
The guard bowed his head in acknowledgment, and at the kindness of the correction.
“I can see that, young Ethel. And I am sorry for my mistake, Yllfa.”
I bowed my head in turn, almost tripping over. Ethel was at my side in an instant.
“Mama? You probably need a rest. Here. let's go inside and I will bring in our rations.”
There was a look of concern, and my nod of ‘do not worry’ to Waelden caught him strangely pale of face.
“Yllfa?”
“I am tired, as Ethel says. A short rest will help.”
Waelden’s expression showed he didn’t quite believe me, but as Bada made back to the Floodwend gate, he took my arm and guided us all to the door of the house.
As we walked, Ethel pointed to a small burrow built by rocks, along the house wall.
“That’s where my rat lived,” she said.
“Ha, is it still there? I remember you building that. You can’t have been more than four or five years old.” Waelden was still supporting me as we halted to look.
“”I remember walking to the river bank and picking the rocks,”Ethel replied with a grin.
I smiled at the exchange, recalling Ethel speaking of her rat to me. But this was a father and daughter memory, even though they happily shared it with me.
“Shall we go indoors?” I asked.
And Ethel was in the house again with no need for a further invite.
“It’s almost the same as I remember” she announced, as she looked around. “Smaller than it was, or maybe I am bigger? There are some different pieces in here..like that mirror (she pointed to the mirror against the wall) and there is a baby's crib in my old room. I am too big for that!”
Gesturing my thanks to Waelden, but I could manage, I walked to the edge of the child-sized room. Aye, there was a crib and a few baby clothes there.
“It looks like they had a child when they moved too.” Ethel observed.
“It’s lovely. So cosy and practical.” I turned to look around the main room, which was less than half the size of our main room in Bancross. Yet I thought, I would have been happy here too as long as I had my family.
“You wont fit into those clothes now, Ethel,” I said, as I surveyed the small firepit, and the dried wood pile still stacked nearby.
Ethel laughed, and Waelden chuckled.
“There is chopped wood enough to get a fire going,” Waelden was also looking round the room to see what could be done. “We shall not be cold.”
My mind was wandering a little. “If only Duncadda would come with us here, instead of wandering out in the wilds. I am concerned for him, Grey Beard. He is far from his old self.
Ethel passed us, heading back to the gate. “I will get our food, and bedrolls. I can sleep on the floor of my room while you two have the bed.” She had started to whistle, but stopped at the mention of Duncadda.
“He will be fine,” Waelden reassured us. “If anyone can be fine out in the wilds here, it’s him. But he has doubtlessly got a lot on his mind. He knows where to find us, and I also hope he chooses that path soon.”
All were silent for a moment.
There was a knock on the door to break us from our pondering. It was a young lad from the store with a basket containing bread, a dozen eggs, cheese and a small amount of butter. There were also a few apples.
“Paid for by the Thane, and he said to say ‘remember dinner soon.” the lad announced.
Ethel walked, or more likely ran, with him back to the town, to check the horses and bring back our things, while Waelden and I set up the fire.
“I can get us something cooked from this for this evening, " I said, as I watched the wood spark to life. It will be better than travelling rations.” Gathering my thoughts, I gave voice to what was on my mind. “I must ask you, Waelden. Are you alright with me being here? The time before, we were not together. I do not want to pain you with Eda’s memory. I can sleep by the fire, with my bedroll if it is easier.”
In my heart, I knew it was alright with him. But even so, there was a lifetime of hopes and dreams shared here between he and his wife.
Sitting back on his heels momentarily, Waelden looked up at me and sighed. “This was Eda’s home, but that wasn’t our bed, neither is this our home any more. And as for causing pain, if anything dearest, you soothe any pain I have by returning here. “
He rose to his feet, but nodded to the bed. “We shall both have a job sleeping there with those cats though.”
It was my turn to laugh. Indeed, there were three tabby cats curled up on the blanket which partly covered the bed.
“ We can move them to the foot. All will help with warmth, like Rags does at home. “I gave Waelden a soft kiss on the cheek as I passed him, ever thankful he was such a gentle mannered man with us.
“I wonder if these are Rag’s offspring,” Waelden did his best to lift one of the cats to the end of the bed, and was smacked round the face by a paw.
“Ouch!”
I smiled as I effortlessly lifted a second of the trio. “I wouldn’t be at all surprised, dear.”
Then Ethel was back again, beaming because she had met an old friend who was amazed at how tall she now was, and who in turn told her about being apprenticed to the carpenter.
She dropped all three bedrolls in a corner, and set the ration bags on the table.
“And that crow followed me home.” She pointed out the window, to a familiar black bird, now sitting on the fence. ”I think we have a friend for life?”
Moving the last of the cats with no effort, Waelden then leant down to trace some faint markings in the wall beside the bed. “Ethel, your runes are still here.”
Joining her papa, Ethel also leant down. “Oh, I remember! Mamma was so mad when I did that. You just laughed.”
Ruffling her hair, Waelden said, “Good memories, Pumpkin.”
I went over to the fire pit, to blow the smouldering wood into an orange flame. Soon enough we would have heat to cook the eggs at least. No dried meat and berries for our fare that day. Ethel came past and gave me a quick hug, as she took her bedroll to the small room. I could hear her pushing the crib aside.
“I am just going to see if there are any fresh herbs outside,” I spoke to Waelden.
He nodded, but was sitting on the bed now with the cats trying to curl up on him.
I went outside. It was growing cooler and there was a light breeze beginning to blow up, so I wrapped my cloak around me more tightly as I searched the small garden. There was some thyme, and some hardy rosemary. I picked a little of both.
Then my legs weakened again, and my head spun.
There were stars coming out.
There were animals talking after their own manner. I remembered no more.
~ ~ ~
I didn't have the strength to move or speak.
Waelden was cradling me on his lap, gently rocking me back and forth. His expression was one of anguish.
“She-wolf, don’t do this to me!”
Was it here, on this spot, that Eda had died in his arms? I thought it was so.
