A meeting, a declaration that they were a clan, information about Salin, information about the enemy they face. The dynamics were changing in a good way, but sometimes Emma wondered at what cost. There wasn’t time to dwell on it, the first group started out immediately to search for the child.
A plan was made and executed. The missing child returned to her mother. Emma provided cover and witnessed the retrieval of the child. As the group came back together and received the news she took a minute to look at everyone to see each person in the clan and then to see the clan as a whole. She felt like a part of something special, something powerful. The road to this point had been long and rocky, but she finally felt like she belonged.
There were two particular friendships that she had felt were slipping away. A gift from one of those friends and time with both of them reminded her that those friendships were stronger than she was giving them credit for and more of the insecurity she has been carrying is replaced with belonging and hope. These bolstered her, giving her courage to find her way through the shifting dynamics.
When they arrive back in Herne she jumps into helping where she can, but having learned some lessons she makes some time most days to ride and practice her archery. She also finds two places that she tells no one of. Her favorite is atop the walls of one of the ruins, with a beautiful view. She then starts to let the memories of her village, her people return.
Eahild, her friend, her closest companion as a child and teenager was supposed to marry only a couple months after her abduction. Although they had been fortunate when they were able to see each other more than two or three times a month, Emma had treasured their time together. She remembers their rides, games played with others during harvest time, and whispered talks of their hopes and wishes. She wonders about the wedding, and what else has changed in the years since she was taken.
Alere, the sickly young lad who needed expensive medicine from Edoras. The community always found a way to band together to get his medicine. Had they been able to continue to do so?
Eadnere, the elderly man who came each week to check the health of the horses. The one who first showed her how to use her stitching experience to sew up a wound instead of cloth or leather. Almost a grandfather to her.
One by one, family by family, she remembers her people. The parts they had in her life. What she learned from them. What she taught them. What they were to her.
For the next three weeks Emma takes some time every day to remember and grieve. Some days she sits on the wall and cries. Some days she shoots arrows at a target until the point of exhaustion releasing a little of her anger with each arrow. Some days she sits quietly. Some things must be done alone, and this is one of them. The grieving will continue until the process is complete, and the time will come when Emma turns to others for support. This beginning though, is a solo journey.
There were so many things she lost because of her captivity that she had not wanted to see, she had refused to acknowledge. One at a time she acknowledges them, her innocence, the feeling of safety, her dignity, her purpose.
She was no longer a child, and the natural path from girl to woman was never going to be hers. The futile battle to get that back had cost her more than she realized. It was time to accept that she was a woman responsible for her own choices.
For all of her life, whether by her choice or not, her purpose had been an advantageous marriage. That was no longer an option. A part of her recognizes a newfound freedom, if she ever marries again it does not have to be to benefit others. Sorrow she does not expect wells up within her as she reaches an understanding that means the power she had to offer protection, comfort, and income to her people has been stripped from her as well.
Through this process Emma begins to truly see not only what she had lost, but what her family had lost, what her village had lost and she grieves for them as well as herself. As she finally faces and acknowledges the losses, she starts to see something else. At first just a glimmer here and there until one at a time several beacons of strength and hope shine brightly. The things no one can take away from her.
Her family. Emma knows that they love her. They may understand, or they may not. They will dislike what has happened. They may not like the choices she makes next, but they will always be her family.
Her people. She may not be able to offer them what she once could, but they will always be a part of her.
Her friends. She has people in her life who care about her and she them.
Experiences and memories. After adding the contrast of hardship and heartache, the memories of her childhood become treasures as do many of the new memories she is creating with the people around her. The moments of joy shine even brighter in the presence of darkness and hurt.
Identity. Only she can decide who she is, who she will be. Identity is stronger than purpose. She can find a new purpose and she does.
Choice. Yes, often choices are limited, but she finally understands that she always has the power to choose.
By the time the celebration in Bree came, Emma was ready, not finished with her grieving, but ready to stand strong again. Ready to be who she is where she is. Ready to truly start letting people in. Ready to move forward. Ready to live.
