Frimsi was messing up his beard, delicately smearing soot at just the right parts. Another young Dwarf, dour and sturdily built, grumbled as he followed suit. Frimsi smiled in the mirror once he finished his curious craft, “There we go! Perfect! Just like a petty-dwarf!” Frimsi glanced at the other Dwarf, “You however…I think you are missing a spot right here Nislina”. Frimsi jokingly gestured at a random spot on his own beard. Nislina grunted, “Shut up.” After Nislina finished messing up his own beard, he turned to Frimsi with an irritated but somehow also patient look on his face, “So what is the plan this time?” Frimsi smirked, “I am glad you asked. You will find this to be perhaps my best scheme yet!”
Nislina grunted again and rolled his eyes, but remained quiet as to let Frimsi continue, “We are going to pose as petty-dwarves of the First Age who have discovered the much coveted secret of elven immortality. Then we are going to sell this ‘secret to elven immortality’ to the Dourhands for every gold coin they own! The ‘secret’ will be none other than elven healing draughts.” Frimsi enthusiastically taps a crate right next to him, “Generously provided to us by our friends at Loth I Lonnath!” Nislina grumbles, “Sure…’friends’ is definitely a convenient title for your victims.” Frimsi laughs, “Call them whatever you want, they sold us these healing draughts for a discount price, and now we are set to make a fortune from it! But back to the plan! When the Dourhands drink from these healing draughts, they will begin to immediately feel its rejuvenating powers…which is just enough for me to convince them they have actually just become immortal!” Frimsi laughs again, quite impressed with his own plan, “They will give us everything they own for this and be even poorer than they already were! Their precious Skorgrim died in pursuit of this secret, and now his descendants will finally get to enjoy the fruits of his labor…for a…comparatively…low price. As what price can you put on eternity!”
Frimsi laughs again, quite excited at the fortune he is set to make. Nislina grumbles, “But aren’t you effectively aiding our enemies by giving them healing draughts. Even I will admit an elven healing draught can be useful in a pinch.” Frimsi chuckles, “You didn’t let me finish explaining my plan. There is more! I intend to have it revealed to the Dourhands that they had been thoroughly duped after we are safely away with all of their gold!” Nislina suddenly jolts up, “What!? Why!?” Frimsi chuckles, this time more darkly, “To humiliate them! To break their will to fight! Profit, while ever lovely, is not my main motivation for this plot. Revenge is. Most of the gold we will be taking from them was gold that they stole from the Longbeard treasuries. Hence this being an un-stealing plot. We are just un-stealing what they stole from us!” Frimsi laughs again while Nislina scowls at the annoying wordplay; Frimsi then continues, “Also, more personally, these Dourhands defaulted on loans my father so generously gave to them. And they have never since made an effort to pay him back. So I will make them pay, one way or another.”
Nislina eyes Frimsi curiously, but Frimsi continues, “Once it is revealed to the Dourhands that what they gave their entire fortune for was not the ‘secret to elven immortality’ but rather just ordinary elven healing draughts, they will likely just dump them all into the Lhun River! After all their talk about resisting elven domination, no Dourhand in his right mind will use an elven healing draught to tend to his wounds. That would be relying on the skill of the elves to make up for his own weakness! Dourhands may be thoroughly awful, but they at least aren’t hypocrites.” Nislina slowly shakes his head in near disapproval, “Damn Frimsi, even I am not that cruel.” Frimsi chuckles again with thinly veiled malice, “Well, I am!”
Unfortunately everything went exactly according to plan. Frimsi caught the Dourhands cowering in the halls of Sarnur after a disastrous defeat following their failed attempt to assault Gondamon, so they were unusually desperate and as such unusually susceptible to Frimsi’s lies. They hoped for a way out of their dire situation: petty-dwarves from the First Age having suffered just as they have and presenting to them the very gift their forebear died for ignited too much hope in their hearts for them to resist. Frimsi was able to get the Dourhands of Sarnur to part not only with all the gold they stole from the Longbeards but even great amounts of gold they had acquired by their own labour. So when rumors that there were two clanless Dwarven con artists selling the “secret to elven immortality” reached the Dourhands of Sarnur, they became furious. And so the Dourhands of Sarnur promptly dumped all the healing draughts into the Lhun River at Kheledul and then proceeded to organize a massive search with what little forces they had left, a massive search for two petty-dwarves who did not exist.
