Torech Besruth, Falathlorn, Lindon
5 Tuilë in the Reckoning of Imladris
(being the Eleventh day of April in the Shire-reckoning)
(being my first night as a mother…)
It is a long, quiet, but not lonely night here in my Lair, far different from the tumult and bedlam of the day. Dear Cutch has brought me quill and pages to occupy my mind during these quiet watches, and I write with one hand while my other arm…
…I hold in my arm a sleeping newborn. My daughter, sweet Bainiel. She cried out for warmth only once, then snuggled to me as we lay together beneath cozy blankets. Her eyes were closed often, whether asleep or shutting out the light – but when they opened, I saw her watching me, those bright grey eyes darting over my face, imprinting my image to her mind.
But, on the day: during the revels of the “baby shower” gathering, my daughter decided her time had come – months ahead of what anyone could have guessed. I am profoundly grateful for the friends I have gathered about me: the dear halflings Applecider and Royzenberry, my beloved friend Morenwenna – and best and chief of all, my own bespoken Mortal, my love and my husband – and now, the father of my child. Each and every one of them rallied to my need – and hers.
I am struck by how easily I am doing things for her by instinct or intuition; in this, my Mortal friend Caladna was quite right. Much of what Bainiel and I are doing is coming from some natural feeling. As she nurses, I watch her tiny face; as she sleeps, as she is at this writing, I hear her soft breathing, almost a gurgle. Each moment is new, and so calming.
I still, in the midst of all this love I now feel, have a niggling thought about my daughter. While I carried her, both Cutch and I were struck by how this unborn mind could make herself understood. She already learned to recognize both Cutch’s and my own voice and mastered a tiny word-hoard in her mind: things like “nana” and “melethel” and “saeb”, which made us laugh – but also disturbing thoughts, like “etho, etho!” when it was time to appear. And in the back of my mind is an almost dark thought: how Bainiel seems to have forced her birth when those stones were near…
But those thoughts pale as mist when I behold this new life, this new heart, this newness in everything that matters. Ah, daughter-mine! The things you shall see, the places you shall go! I shall teach you, mentor you, and best of all, I shall love you. You shall never be alone or lonely, I swear it.
I am nodding as I write this. I shall join my daughter in dreams. Yes, dreams shall be sweet from now on.
