A letter Cutch just received from his Sister of the Circle, Caladna Greenlake:
Dearest Cutch,
Such wonderful news from you! Congratulations on becoming expectant parents. And yes, I will most certainly help Seregrian with the birth, if she wishes. However, I will have to delay my arrival until early summer. You see, Claywick and I are also expecting by late spring! Your example prompted his heart to open and reveal his feelings for me. No doubt your wife will wish to know all the details, and when I arrive with our newborn, we can have a grand time catching up. Until then, I do have some pointers for you.
First and foremost are her physical needs, as these will certainly change. Keep her fed! Your skills in the kitchen suit you well in this, but be aware she may develop a surprising appetite, and for a variety of things she has never craved before. Also, be aware of the aches and pains she will experience. Learn how and where to massage her. Clay learned to begin with my lower back and to never neglect my feet. Stretching me out in the mornings and lightly just before bedtime has proven a great boon to my comfort and is also quite … romantic ….
Please do not laugh AT her, overmuch, when she unexpectedly pees herself. Try to laugh WITH her instead.
I don’t think I have to advise you to do more chores, do I? Most importantly, do for her whatever she can’t do for herself, as the changes from pregnancy might restrict her movements in ways that she will find most frustrating. If you have any pets, learn to care for them as they might need. Don’t let her overdo, especially when she begins nesting, which you cannot stop, but you can be at her side to assist during her primal drive to clean and re-arrange things.
It is a stressful time, Cutch, and you must be mindful to put her first, which you probably already do, if I know anything about you. Let her talk about her feelings, and respectfully share yours, too. Often, they will be the same. Make sure you have a ready shoulder for her to cry on, especially if she feels upset at needing to cry. Overall, just try to keep the stress eased, but do so with gentle honesty. It is surprising what little things can suddenly seem mountainous.
No doubt, you find your wife is shining with a new beauty. Tell her so, even if she is doubtful of it herself. Compliment her on the things she does well in handling the pregnancy. Be sincere.
Spoil her. You probably do already, but it is still important to say. One of the things Clay did for me was find a large pillow that I can wrap myself around when I am resting. It’s warmth and softness are an amazing comfort. Let her rest all she wants and encourage her to do so even when she has a hundred things she wants to do. Make a list of them with her, and do some of them for her, or at least be her helper, so she can rest more.
Be happy with her when she is happy, and nervous when she is nervous, as being her partner in her feelings is critical now. This will keep her from feeling like she is alone in her pregnancy and show that you are her constantly available companion.
Listen to her, for as the pregnancy advances, she will have new experiences and will need to share them. Do not think you have to ‘fix’ something! Just listen and ask questions more than simply offering solutions. Respect her answers. Here is a phrase you should repeat to yourself several times each day. “A pregnant woman has the right to complain.”
When she wants to talk about the baby, stop and give her your undivided attention, and if she asks you to do something, just do it and don’t make her ask twice. And know that she is always right, even if she isn’t, unless its about something risky. This can be tricky….
Take up that old lute of yours and play her favorite tunes, or at least show a sincere effort to learn them.
Take her for walks, if only round the Enclave. Admire the wonderful place your family is growing into.
Stay positive and be lovingly amazed at how her body changes. It is a miracle, you know. Keep her comfortable and let her relax. Sometimes this means giving her time to be alone when she wants. Help her with her shoes and be ready to help her get up and down.
Over time, work with her to make or find furniture for the baby. Be patient with this. Don’t assume it is YOUR project alone.
Help her with her morning sickness and, if allowed, attend any meetings she has with mid-wives. Listen well for what you can do to help her during labor and the birthing.
Cutch, dear Brother of the Circle, I know I have scribbled down many things here for you, but knowing you as I do, I am sure you are undaunted by any of it. I know you love Seregrian completely and will happily do whatever it takes to help her bring your child into this world.
I will be in touch again as I have a better idea when you can expect me.
Your Sister of the Circle,
Caladna.
Cutch could hear Caladna’s voice saying the words she had written, informed both by her own experiences and those acquired, sometimes unhappily, by running an orphanage. He realized how much he’d missed Caladna and Clay, and how grateful he would be for her presence before and during the birth of Seregrian’s and his first child next fall.
He smiled as he folded the letter and tucked it away quietly, careful to not awaken his napping wife. He would let Seregrian read it later and looked forward to sharing the most excellent advice his loving Sister offered.
(The content for this entry is largely taken from Ext. link: “3 Comments”, an excellent article all expecting fathers should study)
