I feel so confused.
Last night, Tairy told me that he'd been seeing Emory lurking about the woodyard. He didn't know it were Emory at first, but it seems they spoke to each other just yesterday. Now I know why Tairy felt so...unsure, yesterday evening. He's hard to read sometimes. He's like a stone wall, cool and grim and unmovable (is this a word?) on the outside. Once the words was out, I could tell that he hadn't liked saying them. But he was glad they was said. Were said. Were?
Of course, my first worry were that Emory might have been looking at Tairy in a hurtful way. It sounds absurd to write it now, but that's how I felt. Of course, Emory would be hard pressed to harm my Tairy. He's taller than any Bree-lad and built like a mountain.
How foolish I am! Just writing that down makes me blush and now my heart's all fluttery.
Back to the point! Tairy said that they spoke and that nobody threatened anybody else. And Emory might have even been afraid of Tairy.
That part broke my heart a little. My poor brother...
And that's why I'm so confused this morning. How can one feel so afraid and worrisome, and then so terribly sad and pitiful at the same time? My heart couldn't decide if it wanted to be worried for Tairy, worried for me, worried for Emory, or what!
All I know is that it's an awful thing, when someone you love hurts you. And then your love is mixed in with fear and anger and worry and guilt, and all sorts of ugly, nasty things that make no sense. But you love them still.
Part of me wants to keep looking out the windows. Has Emory ever followed Tairy home? Does he know where we live? Nay, I feel sure that Tairy would know if anyone ever was following him. I hope so, at least. I pray so.
I feel even more foolish now, because Tairy said that if I ever wanted to speak to Emory, he would do it for me if I wished. So that I wouldn't have to go find him on my own, or do it alone. And I'd never thought of that. And of course Tairy would do that, if I'd ever asked him to! Why didn't it ever enter my simple, dotard head? Am I still stuck on the notion that I have to do things on my own, like before I knew Tairy? Nay, not quite. He does so much for me, and I let him. And I'm glad he does! It's more delightful and sweet and warm than anything in the world! But I guess that this one thing - my brother - just didn't seem like something to drag into our beautiful world.
