I will not lie, I am stressed beyond belief. The Inn has been attacked, twice; by denizens of Angmar and Mordor.
Dem and Eira have not been getting along lately, and I can tell this is paining Nimraph just as much as it pains me. The last thing we need is to be rent apart when communicating could fix this all.
And so we did. I sat everyone down and made us talk- well, except Nim.
I can see he is still hurting and licking wounds his ex wife left on him. I need to coach him like I am coaching Eira right now. I am pleased she agreed to let me help her, to do what a soothsayer is supposed to do- soothe. I feel like we made a lot of progress today.
I do realize I was a fool and did not ask Nim or Eira what accommodation they would like. Now they are with other families, with kids around. I realize now that perhaps by being around other families, they will unlearn what their homes taught them and proper coping mechanisms for trauma, and how proper family dynamics should look.
Let us hope.
The stress of this situation caused me to lash out at Dem. I can't bear the guilt of this. I said some uncalled for things with an uncalled for tone. I upset him, what an idiot I am. I should know better. Yet now I am miraculously a counselor when I barely have my own crap together.
I am getting jealous over things I shouldn't, angry over the stupidest things, irritated by things that aren't irritating. What the heck is wrong? My desire for peace is causing me to destroy the very thing I desire.
Is this my punishment for neglecting my ancestors and the spirits in this time of strife? Maybe. I'll make an offering in the morning, commune with the ancestors, try and seek guidance for myself.
Dem is going through enough as is, I cannot trouble him with my woes, that will make things worse- with our children, keeping his finances above water, trying to protect and help… He doesn't need me having tantrums like a bloody toddler. I'll be fine, I always have been. I know he wants to nurture and care for me, but I really need to learn to be low maintenance, for his sake and sanity.
