Yesterday marked the third year since my parents had been murdered. The past two years I spent alone, crying, and just walking through the day in a misty fogginess that lasted for many days. Yesterday…I wasn’t even sad. I felt…I felt nothing. That bothered me very much. So, I went to keep myself busy. I gave Layla a nice grooming and gave her some treats she doesn’t often get. I gave Cat a bath, he was being crazy which made me laugh. I regretted the laugh as soon as it left my lips, today was not the day to be full of joy. After Cat got a bath, I brought Layla and Cat with me down to Eogar’s stables where I helped with the animals. He kept me very busy, sensing something was wrong. When nothing else was needed to be done I went to my tree. The tree of names who are lost to us. I sat there and talked to Mama and Papa for hours, before getting up to go hunting. I hunted for an hour, before realizing my heart was not in it. I went to the Pony to see if any of my new family was there. Papa was, and I felt as if it were every other day again, but only for a minute. Papa and Father are talking of bringing a new girl to be part of our family. She is very kind and deals with a horrendous father, it may be nice to have her around since she is close in age to me. Papa mentioned the girl never having honey cakes and it made me think of my own family. Mama was a hunter of sweets. Any new sweet treat she heard of, she would learn to make. Papa always made teased Mama for her rounder midsection because of her love for sweets, but they loved each other dearly as they loved me.
While in the Pony Papa gave me a letter from the woman who is willing to take me on as an apprentice to become an animal doctor. I must work more on my numbers before I can though. There also seems to be some trouble between Ris and my family. I know not exactly what it is, but it is making things rather awkward. I want to stay out of it and not take sides, but they are my family so I feel I must. Ris tried to talk to me as I left the Pony, going to visit the tree again, I wanted to be near my deceased parents, and that’s where I felt most close to them. I apologized and told her she could write to me if she so chose and Nob would bring it to me. I don’t know if she really did send a letter because I didn’t go home last night. I spent the night in the tree, and still, sit up here writing. I have been surrounded by people so often, I am enjoying the quiet time by myself to my thoughts. I sit up here and think of my new family. They are so dear to me, but sometimes it is odd… for those who don’t even know me could think I have been with my current family since the day I was born. Not many will know of the true girl inside of me, the broken girl who lost her parents and everything that loved her. Then she got a new start with a new family, that she loves very much. Although… I miss my Mama and Papa still…my actual parents. I am different from so many, I hide my emotions until they burst, something I don’t often admit, but I did last night when a woman was particularly annoying me at the Pony, she made me think of myself far too much and I took an instant disliking to her. I know it is wrong, but I couldn’t help it.
This all seems like a bunch of rambling now, but that’s what my head feels like sometimes, just a mess of thoughts and emotions I can’t seem to get out. I am feeling tired again, so may sleep some more up here with the breeze on my face and the leaves rustling in the wind. Maybe, with luck, I will dream like I did when I was a small child, though I doubt sweet childish dreams will ever come close to me again.
I love you, Mama and Papa. I love you, Father and Papa. I love you Sidle, Cat, and Layla. I love all who have helped me through my life.
