Dear diary, this morning I brought Freawine over to Egfor's farm. He said he could put my boy to work and a little soil never hurt anyone. I hope he behaves, no one ever said being a mother is easy. But he brings more warmth to my soul than anything else in this world. I can only hope that one day, he will come to understand how much I love him. My family did not believe in coddling, even in our wealthy upbringing. Of course, there were still the expectations of high society, to which I do not completely abhor.
There was a structure in courtly life that one would not find anywhere else. I suppose there will always be a hatred somewhere for societal hierarchy. Even in Bree-land, while there are no true aristocrats. There are wealthier families that have done well for themselves. Are we ever at fault for where we came from?
I've settled in these lands for a little over seven years now, seven years, that came and went like a cool breeze in Autumn. They say with age comes wisdom. But is it wise to doubt yourself every time you look at yourself in the mirror? I sense change, change is not always a comfortable thing.
Then there is my newfound care for Lycaon that brings me anxiety. I've had to put my boy, before everything ever since Raymond died. Am I truly the woman for him? Perhaps motherhood has made me fret more than I should. Presently, I find myself struggling, with the various layers of me. I dare not admit these things in a public setting. A woman who is vulnerable is a woman that throws herself to the wolves. I feel a pang of lingering guilt as his face continues to come in and out of my mind. Audun's face everyone must move on at some point, at least, that's what I have tried to tell myself. He was the most unpredictable man I had ever met. Perhaps that is what drew so many women in. I feel as if I've reached a fork in the road. Where shall I pass next?
