((Note: These conversations follow immediately after returning from Minas Tirith and the events that occurred there during the Reunion - Part 1, Reunion - Part 2, and Reunion - Epilogue. They also take place before Taking Flight))
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Rollo’s nose twitched as it caught the honeyed scent of baked goods on the salty sea breeze. The bear lifted his head from his slumber and his big, brown eyes blinked open to look toward the smell. As his broad shoulders shifted, the raven that was perched on his back let out a low croak in protest of being disturbed; she, too, turned her keen gaze toward the one approaching the top of the ridge overlooking the House of Three Graces, but didn’t open her beak again to alert Addie, knowing that the woman making her way toward them wasn’t a threat. Rollo’s mouth parted in excitement as his nose continued to sniff at the air, and drool dribbled down from the corner of his lips in anticipation of someone bringing up a pie or honeycake.
Finchley paused a few feet away, not wanting to just waltz up on a bear, and gave him a little wave. "Ummm... It's Rollo, aye?” She smiled. “You know, the last time I met a bear it barged in on me when I was up a tree tryin' to get honey. You ain't gonna chase me around the place like that one did, are ya?"
Rollo perked up at hearing his name and lifted his head even more in hopes that this meant the woman had indeed come to feed him. This quick motion caused Mornistir to lose her perch on his back and she flew over to Finch’s shoulder. Once there, the raven inched her way over to the woman’s hair and gently tugged at it with her beak to get her attention, causing Finch to gigglesnort as she spoke. “Well, you're a lot more well-mannered than Galvra, aren't you?” she said as she carefully stroked the bird’s feathers with two of her fingers. “He would've just pecked me in the nose. Maybe you'll get to meet him and put him in his place sometime."
While the bird kraa’d back to Finch, Rollo made his way over to the woman to sniff at her pockets for the food he thought she had. Disappointed at not finding any- unfortunately for him it was just her natural scent- he plopped back on his behind and let his front paws slowly slide along the ground until he was sprawled out on his belly; as he settled in place, he looked back up to Finch with a clear, sad look in his eyes and let out a loud huff. Amused by his antics, she gigglesnorted again and winked at him. "Well, now I know to bring you a snack or somethin' next time, huh?"
Now that she had properly greeted the other two, Finch walked over to Addie and sat beside her, quietly pulling her knees to her chest to rest her chin on them while the raven nestled next to her neck, underneath her hair. The thin, blonde woman had remained still and silent during the interaction with the animals and continued to do so- much like a child that thinks they can avoid notice by not moving a muscle; her head was dipped down in shame and her gaze remained fixed on the moon’s light in the water below. The two sat there in the silence for a little bit before Finch finally turned her head to look at Addie and spoke. "How you feelin', hmm? I hope you at least ate somethin'. I promise, I didn't eat everything... Again."
Addie released the breath that she had been holding and her shoulders slumped even more. "I'm alive..." she sheepishly replied, and even saying that caused her to grimace as though the word 'alive' now held some kind of taboo.
"Well that's good innit?” Finchley smiled brightly, her voice was full of exuberance. “Bein' alive is fantastic, even if it is hard sometimes." She breathed in deeply and let it all out through her nose slowly. "I was just thinkin' that maybe all the hard stuff makes the really great stuff even better."
Addie attempted to side-glance over, but she couldn’t bring herself to look at Finch and her eyes immediately flitted back to the water. "And how are you? Are you feeling better?"
Finchley pulled her knees away from her chest and stretched out her legs in front of her so that she could shift back to sit on her hands. "I feel good. Better that you're you again. Like I said, the hard stuff makes the great stuff better. It was hard seein' you go through all of that, but now that you're you again... If I ever once took you for granted, I'll not be doin' it again."
Hearing those words caused Addie to lose what composure she had left and she turned her head away from Finch to hide the tears that were welling up in her eyes. Even so, her voice betrayed her, its soft brittleness indicating that she was trying hard not to cry. “I am sorry… Sorry that I hurt you... Sorry that I hurt the others... I was a fool.”
Finchley turned her head to look at Addie and smiled, though the smile held some sadness behind it. "I know. I know you are. And I meant every word I said that day on the lawn. On my part, I forgive you. I already had." She smiled wider, some of the sadness fading. "Besides, I don't think you were a fool. Aye, your actions were foolish to be sure, but a smart lass like you can't ever be a fool. I think maybe you were just hurtin' a lot and someone took advantage of you."
Addie took in a deep breath as she tried to blink back the tears and released it in a long sigh. "You shouldn't have to forgive me, Finchley; in fact, I wouldn't blame you if you didn't. Only a fool allows for another to lure them in as I did… I appreciate you trying to offer encouragement, but I am not blind to what I was or what I have done."
"Pfft, you have my forgiveness anyway; no takebacks from me... Besides, I'm not blind to what you were or what you did either. I'm not smart like you, but I sure ain't dumb. I also meant what I said before; I didn't fear you, Addie, only whatever it was that you had become, and that wasn't you." Finchley’s smile disappeared for a moment and she sighed. "... If somethin' happened to me and I did somethin' foolish because someone took advantage of me, would you think any less of me? Would you think me foolish too or beyond forgiveness?"
Addie turned her head away even more to wipe the tears from her eyes. "Perhaps you should fear me… this me. Even before I was persuaded by the darkness, I was a danger to those around me- an ill omen. If I am the same as before, it would be mad to think anything different; and a waste to offer forgiveness.” Addie shook her head at herself and closed her eyes. “You might not think it of yourself, Finchley, but you are wise... a lot wiser than I shall ever be."
Finchley couldn’t help but to let out a gigglesnort after hearing that. "Ah, so I am both wise and mad? Perhaps I should open up a shop. Many will come from miles around to hear my mad wisdom! They'll call me Finchley, the Stupendous!" She rocked to one side a little as she tried to reel in her humor. "Fear you? Naw, I could never… An ill omen? Maybe someone else thinks that, but I know the Addie that stood up for me in the Pony, the Addie that was kind to me when Lif brought me here, the Addie who makes absolutely delicious pies- which I've missed so much, the Addie who always had somethin' smart to say, and the Addie who Maddoct still needs to get that maple to that we got from the Old Forest."
Addie huffed out a breath of disgust, “And you also know the Addie that worked to deceive all of you; the Addie that listened to the whispers of darkness and used those close to her to free Mans from his prison- the same Mans that once delivered a killing blow to Xanderian and now seeks to destroy us all.”
“You can be both, you know; good and bad go hand in hand. I've done some mean-spirited things before and I regretted 'em afterwards. You don't have to be perfectly good to be worthy of forgiveness and such, Addie."
Addie shook her head as Finchley mentioned forgiveness again. “It matters not if I am intent on doing that which I believe to be good or even that which others perceive as being good. For some, even the best of intentions go awry.”
Finchley pulled her knees to her chest again and reached up to give Morn another pet. "Maybe, but you're talkin' like all your good intentions go bad and that's nonsense for sure… So you are capable of doin' bad things, but you're also capable of doin' lots more good things; you already have. I know you're down 'n out, Addie. I can't begin to imagine how you must be feelin' but I can try… I think maybe bein' down 'n out makes it easier for you to be hard on yourself, but that's okay for now. Just... ask for help when you need it so you won't stay stuck."
Addie closed her eyes and winced as she thought of how she had used the other’s willingness to help her against them. "What right do I have to burden any of you, especially after what I have done?"
Finchley frowned and turned her head toward Addie. "Has anyone here ever said you were a burden?"
“Some things need not to be said, Finchley, they can be felt and seen when words are not present.” Addie paused and finally turned her head enough to where she could see Finchley out of the corner of her eye. “We are not so different on that, are we? You do not wish to burden others with your troubles either and instead of doing so, you hide behind your focus on helping them and the smile you wear despite your pain.”
Finchley froze after hearing that and it took a moment before she smiled wryly and spoke again. "Ha, you got me there, huh? But, I think, I don't just smile because I don't want to be a burden on others; I just... try to find the good everywhere, even if it's hard. And, most of the time, I think I find it... But never once have I thought I was a burden. When you love someone, you don't want to burden them and usually they wanna help take some of that burden anyway."
Addie turned her head back forward and slowly nodded as she listened. "And what burden is it that you are carrying, Finchley?"
Finchley smiled and looked out over the water. "Clever, Addie..." She then turned her gaze upward to the sky to look at the stars. "... If someone you loved kept somethin' from you - somethin' important - and you don't know why, would you try to forgive 'em? Would you try very hard, because you loved them?"
Addie side-glanced over and raised a brow as Finch brought up the matter of forgiveness again. "The truth seems to have a way of always being discovered, no matter how hard one tries to conceal it."
Finchley furrowed her brows and nodded. "I know. Still… everything has its time, as my Grams used to say, and it's not time for that just yet." She sighed and reached up her hand to run her fingers through her short locks of hair. “Ha, the good stuff is so worth it, but good gracious… the bad stuff? I'd rather skip it! Too bad it doesn't work that way." She looked back to Addie and smiled a little. "Looks like we're two peas in a pod, Addie!"
Addie’s gaze turned downward as she sighed. "And what fell spirit have you released on the world lately, Finchley?"
Finchley grinned a little. "Oh, the usual… The fell spirit of hunger! You have any idea how much I've missed your pies?! I had to resort to eatin' everything else and it still wasn't the same."
A small frown formed on Addie’s face as she pulled her knees into her chest and wrapped her arms tightly around her shins. "I heard that you were sick after eating the last tarts I made for you and I am sorry.”
Finchley smiled and shook her head. "Eh, believe me, I've gotten a lot sicker from eatin' worse. I learned many a lesson as a little about not eatin' things not meant to be food. It was no big deal to me, Addie.”
Addie sighed and lowered her chin to let it rest on her knees. “My Ealdemodor taught me that recipe; it was passed down from her mother, and her mother before that, and so on. Not only did she make me promise to keep it secret, but she always reminded me that the key to making them was the heart you put into it… I am not so sure that I have any heart left in me, Finchley."
“You've got plenty of heart left in you, since you are feelin' so bad about this all… Or at least I hope you do, because I don't think I can wait much longer for a good one from you." Finchley smiled, hoping that those words would stir Addie, but seeing that they didn’t she frowned a little. “Eh, but I can persevere and wait longer. You'll have a reason to smile, and live, and be happy again, Addie, even if it’s for small moments in between. Just gotta get through ummm 'all this shite', as Lif would say. I'll even bet my hat on it if you'll forgive my optimism. I like lookin' forward to things."
Addie’s brows shot up in surprise as Lif's “choice” words came out of Finch’s mouth. "By the stars, I may have turned to darkness for a time, but the world does not need another Banshee."
Finchley burst out into a fit of laughter and rocked back and forth with mirth. "Ha! Aw, she's not all that bad! She's got such a good heart in her." She wiped at her eyes a little, still giggling. "Ooh, I'd like to see her face if she heard that. Think I could imitate her well? I bet I'd do fine for a minute or two."
Addie shook her head, "I think we have all been through enough lately, Finchely."
The woman was still giggling and those words made her laugh again. "Aye, we have haven't we? But it could be fun and it might make her smile… not actually smile, but more like on the inside… I wanna see her happy and if she actually laughs in earnest I think I'll have won the jackpot." It took a moment for Finchley to finally get her laughing under control and when she did, she grinned at Addie. "Hmm, Addiela, Mistress of Mirth… Add that to your list of good things about yourself."
Addie looked up to the sky as she considered the title, her eyes looking from star to star. "Everyone views things differently I suppose. We can identify the stars and have even named them, but none can truly see behind the light they have chosen to show us." Addie took in another deep breath before continuing. "I shall remain here for the night, Finchley. I am sorry again for all the trouble I have put you through.”
Understanding that Addie was probably done talking for now, Finchley nodded and stood to dust herself off. "If you like; it is pretty up here and I have half a mind to sleep up here sometime myself... only… I think that elf, Calidis, usually does that, but she's taken to walkin' all night instead now- I hear her comin' and goin' every night… And Lif'd probably scold me."
She looked to Morn on her shoulder and shrugged to indicate to the bird that it was time for her to go. The raven kraa’d her displeasure at being disturbed from her sleep again and then flew back to her normal place on Rollo's back, causing the bear to stir once more and look up at Finch. The woman chuckled at the scene of the bird on the bear’s back and then looked back to Addie. "Just don't forget to take care of yourself too. Otherwise, I'll pack a whole picnic basket and make you have a required picnic with me."
Addie’s expression flashed a grimace, but it was soon replaced by the fake smile that she had been so accustomed to plastering on her face for the sake of others. “Please do not worry over me... it seems that I cannot die even if I tried."
Finchley smiled wryly. "And even if you tried, I would not let you." She turned back to Rollo and grinned. "So, I guess I'll be packing two snacks for you and one for Morn in that picnic basket, huh Rollo? And if Addie here doesn't take care of herself, you have my full permission to chase me around so I can help."
Rollo’s deep brown eyes seemed to show some understanding of her words and he smacked his lips before a big yawn escaped his mouth, exposing his many sharp teeth. Finchley couldn’t help but gigglesnort at the bear and she offered him a final wave before turning to walk back down to the house. Once the woman was out of sight, the bear placed his head back down on the ground again and Addie reclined back into his side as her gaze drifted back toward the stars.
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The next morning, Addie stirred to find that the bear and bird had already left for their early stroll around the island. She didn’t remember falling asleep nor did she feel as though the rest had helped any, and she couldn’t help but let out a long sigh as the realization hit that she was about to face another day. After sitting up, she brought up both hands and swept them across her face as though that would help wipe away the melancholy she could feel in her countenance.
Nethrida had been watching over Addie from a distance, waiting for her to wake; seeing that she was now up, she moved to approach the woman with some care, though not with much secrecy as the sound of her boots thudding against the rock announced her presence. She stopped a few feet behind Addie and stared out to sea, and then with a calm tone, she spoke. "How are you feeling?"
Addie had heard the footsteps, but wasn’t able to determine by that sound alone if it was Nethrida or Eduwiges ; now that she heard the voice, she knew. A mixture of emotions danced across her face after the initial wince over the realization of who was standing behind her, and she sat there for a moment wide-eyed and completely motionless with her knees hugged to her chest. Finally, the overwhelming guilt caused her to hide her face behind her knees as a muffled, "I'm alive..." squeaked out from her mouth.
Nethrida nodded slowly and kept her gaze fixed on the sea. "And how are you feeling really?"
Only a very loud sigh came back in answer.
Nethrida canted her head to the side and smiled a bit. "You know, you don’t have to deal with this alone... We were all played for fools."
Addie's head rocked from side to side on her knees as she tried to shake it to disagree with that statement. "You were far from a fool, Neth… You were right about everything and you tried to warn us all... You tried to warn me, but I would not listen."
Nethrida pursed her lips and nodded slowly. "Yet, in the end I did nothing to prevent you from doing this. Inaction is no better than false action."
Addie pulled her head up enough to turn it and side-glance back to Neth. "Did nothing? My jaw and lip seem to recall a different tale...” She then lowered her head once more. “Though I do not blame you for it, in fact... I wish you would have made good on your promise before I could free that fell spirit on the world."
“Everyone makes mistakes, Addie... Small ones... Grave ones...” Nethrida managed a little smile and then shook her head; her tone remained somber, yet, it also had a sense of kindness to it. "My promise was to be fulfilled if you fell under the sway of the White Hand, or down a path that you could not be brought back from… I knew what you intended would not work, for you aren’t the only one here who thought it might bring someone back.”
Addie snapped her head up and looked to Neth, her brows furrowed in confusion. "How were you so sure that the path I had chosen to walk was one I could be brought back from? And what do you mean that I wasn't the only one?"
Nethrida sighed. “In my... previous life... I too spent a lot of time in those archives, reading up on the history and lore, and I had even more time to delve into the knowledge there than you did. There were... hints… subtle references to these arts… and though I could never wield them myself, I did, for a moment, consider finding someone who could... just to speak with him again.”
Addie looked back down to the ground and shame washed over her expression once again. "I… am sorry that I tempted you with such again. I really did believe..." Addie shook her head at herself and tears started to well in her eyes. "And it did work, Neth, but not in the way intended; it served his purpose… I was nothing more than a pawn to release him."
“I know; I was tempted before too. It is not an easy call to resist.”
“And yet… you were strong enough to resist. I was not.”
“Only because I have no command over arts and magic as you do.” Nethrida's voice perked up a bit and a grin formed on her lips. "And so what? We bested him before in Kheledûl, and we'll do so again."
Addie shook her head slowly and frowned as her shoulders slumped. "Need I remind you that we almost lost Xanderian at Kheledûl, Neth? No… We did lose her for a time.”
“Almost… Yet she is among us still.”
“And what now? He knows who we are and he is thirsty for revenge. You are all in danger again because of me."
Nethrida 's grin grew wider and her voice was filled with confidence. “We are stronger now and we know he is out there. You forget… I am a soldier. It was my duty to lead other soldiers into battle and I fear neither danger nor strife."
Addie wanted to be able to smile and accept these words, but she couldn’t. "I only wish that I could be as confident as you are over these matters. None of you should have to go to war over something foolish I did. If I could, I would face him alone."
“Wars are never fought by a single person. I had a company, the bravest and most valiant men and women of Gondor; comrades, each and every one of them. Your situation is not so different. We are here, your comrades… ready, able, and willing to put that wretch down.”
Addie paused for a moment as she considered her next words carefully. "You know what it is to be burdened with the guilt of a decision you have made, one that brought harm to those you cared about… I cannot allow for this to continue, Neth. I will not lose any of you because of a mistake I made."
Nethrida pursed her lips and took in a deep breath. "It is true that what happened was my fault, for not sending our scouts forward… and that is why it is vital that nobody wages war alone; that is when you make those mistakes that cost.”
“I never once thought that their blood was on your hands, Neth, but even so, you thought yourself guilty and took the blame for their fall.”
“Yes... But you recall how our company was betrayed? The Princess made mention of it and revealed that the Captain from whom we took over guard duty was corrupt and evil.”
Addie nodded knowingly. “Aye, I do recall and that is what makes our situations different, Neth. I am guilty; there is no doubt of that. You might not have known what waited for your company, but I do know what is out there waiting for us." Addie turned her head in an attempt to lock eyes with Neth. “Tell me, if you knew that certain death was waiting for those you led, would you not wish to spare them?"
Nethrida met Addie’s gaze, “That would depend on what was at stake. Every last one of us knew the price; every encounter, from the village where the statue was made to the slopes of Amon Dîn, could have been our last. My comrades fought so that others could feel safe and secure, even if that meant laying down their lives... They would have followed me to the bitter end no matter what.” Nethrida nodded and clenched her fists. "And I would have been there in the front of it all, just as I will be here. None may threaten my friends… and family… and be left unchecked.”
Addie held Neth’s gaze for a moment longer before turning to look back at the water. "To die for a noble cause is still death… and for those that are left behind, it is a bitter poison to swallow. I appreciate your resolve, Neth, but why should this be a burden for all of you to bear? This is my mess to clean up… You should all be able to live your lives in peace.”
Nethrida shook her head. “You already said that he knows us so, it matters not if you believe this to be your responsibility. We as a whole will be able to carry it, you alone cannot.”
"We are not assured of that, Neth… Hawke is alive and you are all together again; you should be able to enjoy life." Addie paused to take in a deep breath. "As for me… What's one sacrifice for the good of all?"
Nethrida crossed her arms, the softness of her tone acting as a counterbalance for the harshness of her words. "Pointless… That is what it will be."
“And what would be the point if all of you were to lose your lives over this?”
Nethrida stood confidently. “We won’t. You need not doubt your strength against a foe you've already bested. When we stand united, that fell bastard stands no chance.”
Addie shook her head again. “Is there not a difference between being bested and retreating to regroup? Tell me… Which is it?”
Nethrida shrugged, “It matters not. Perhaps he knows there are more coming after him, but all it does is remove our element of surprise- it does not take away our primary strength. I will not allow you take this matter into your own hands.”
Addie huffed out a sigh. "I know you won't and I know that the others won't... And I know that it's all my fault that all of you have been placed in this situation…"
Nethrida quickly interrupted, “Hush.”
Addiela flinched at the 'hush', causing her whole body to shudder, and did as instructed.
After seeing the flinch, Nethrida softened her voice again. “It played us all, Addie… Sometimes the enemy outmaneuvers you and that is when we retreat, regroup, and reassess the situation. Pointlessly barging forward, or attempting to take matters into one's own hands serves nothing… Let's say you do encounter him alone. You're prepared to lay your life down for us, but instead of granting this, our enemy twists and enslaves your will under his dominion and forces you to battle against us. What good will your ‘sacrifice’ have achieved then?”
Addie’s expression became even more troubled at that scenario and a hint of fear could be seen in her eyes as she slowly looked back to Neth. Her words proceeded with caution as though she didn’t wish to say them, but knew she needed to hear the answer. "And who's to say that shall not happen regardless of if I go alone or if all of you are with me?”
“It will not happen because you can draw strength from our support.”
Addie turned her head away and her gaze drifted upward as she pondered over these things. “Is it not telling that you can imagine a situation where I am once again controlled by a mind that is not my own? I am a danger to all of you, Neth; I always have been… These powers... this 'gift'… is a curse!”
Nethrida smiled down at Addie and placed her hand on her shoulder. “He will not be able to focus on taking over your will when we are there to hinder him and prevent such attempts… Now come; let's go inside, maybe get something to eat. I even brought this amazing fruit pu... uhm... drink, back from Dol Amroth.”
Addiela shook her head to decline the offer. "I wish to stay here for a bit longer, but please do not worry over me. Go and eat and calm the others’ worries…Enjoy life, Neth.”
Nethrida gave Addie’s shoulder a playful nudge. “Come on. Now is time for laughter and merriment.”
Addie hugged her knees even tighter. “I do not deserve such...”
“Nonsense.” Nethrida held out her hand to where Addie could see it. "Come, the others are worried and I cannot allay their concerns when you remain up here"
“And what concerns would be comforted in me going inside?” Addie snorted in disgust over herself. “None, Neth. I shall only be a further burden.” Addie rested her chin on her knees, determined to stay here. “At least this way I can be out of sight and out of mind.”
Nethrida frowned a bit and huffed. "None view you as a burden. Now come or I shall carry you down myself."
Addie remained silent and looked away from the offered hand, but Nethrida had guessed that the woman would be her normal, stubborn self and was already bending down to pick her up. Addie’s eyes widened and her arms flailed as she was quickly lifted off the ground and cradled in Neth’s arms, princess style. She scowled at Neth, but didn’t try to struggle against it, knowing it was pointless to try. Neth grinned back at Addie and opened her mouth wide as she took in a deep breath, holding it at the peak for suspense, and then started to merrily sing. Addie groaned and let her whole body go limp as Neth walked with her down the slope toward the house, singing the whole way.
