I’m trying to start writing here, but I keep getting distracted by this shining ring on my hand. Nay, it’s not a wedding ring! I’m not sure all what it means, in fact. Only that Tairy said it were a ring of his family and it meant I belong to them and he belongs to me. I think it were more of a hopeful sort of thing on his part. It’s much too big for my little fingers, I have to wear it on my first finger with a bit of twine wrapped round it to make it fit.
Now my mind is too busy for its own good. Looking at this ring makes me think of his family and home back in Gondor. What would they think of me? Not much, I wager. If he was ever to take me back to his homeland for a visit, or even to live, would anyone look at me like I were anything at all? Would I feel out of place? I can’t help thinking that I would. And then I wonder if he’d look at me and start to see what they see. Would he look at me and one day just think “Oh. I must have been rather stupid to think she were something good enough for me”?
Horrible thoughts, go away!
I’m going to have a lovely time pulling weeds tomorrow. It’s been raining all night again. This is the rainiest summer I can remember for a long while. I don’t mind it! I love the rain. I love how wild and green and hurrying to grow everything is after a good storm. Things pop up that you never knew was there and suddenly they’re a foot tall. I’ll have to ask Tairy or Tumunir to climb the roof and pull away all that ivy growing over the eave, before it starts pushing under the tiles.
I found Miss Plumwood sitting outside the Prancing Pony recently, and she were all in a dither about a man who had insulted her and her brother. At least that’s what I gathered. She looked as if she might burst, so I sat down and let her get it all out. I didn’t recognize the man’s name, but anyone what would make Miss Piper upset is not likely to be in my good favor! I left her my handkerchief, poor thing. But I know she’ll be just fine, she’s a good and able woman.
There’s been a trickster type of fellow around Bree lately, and even in Knotwood! He says his name is Loakee, which I thought a rather odd name, but somehow I like the sound of it. It certainly doesn’t sound Breeish. He’s terrible handsome and far too charming for my taste! All smiles and winks and naughty jokes that would’ve made my Pa toss him out the door by the seat of his breeches! But he’s awful fun, too. He were by the fountain in Bree, doing tricks with cards like I’ve never seen, and a crowd gathered round to watch. When I spoke to him alone, he said he didn’t have a proper home. Of course I offered him a bed in the Boarding House, should he want one.
I miss Master Maurr and Mister Doc. I miss Miss Finchley. I haven’t even seen Mister Aeru around. I did finally have a chance to speak a little to Mister Dimheim. I saw him in the Prancing Pony. He were sitting alone and looking lost in his head like he usually does. I wanted to fix the old hurts that happened, even though I still didn’t understand why they happened at all. But he didn’t seem to remember it. He were polite in his usual way, but I never know if he just wants to be left alone and he’s being polite because he has to be. It’s odd to think back on the days where he seemed more open and...I don’t know...more like he wanted to be close to people. Like the time he held me while I cried about Pa and Ma. I wonder if he even remembers that. I feel a bit sad now when I see him. He said if he knew another place where he’d be happy, he’d go there. That were an awful down thing to hear. Not that I don’t want him to be happy, cause I do. Only that I wish he knew how to find it.
Bless me, I’m so behind on my diary, I’m trying to think what to write next.
I’ve bumped into Mister Loakee a time or two more since I first saw him. Will he stay around Bree? That’s always the question, aye? Folk not from Bree just come and go, come and go. Last evening he were entertaining myself and Tairy and a young lady named Alys in the Pony. He does love to flirt so! Even with Tairy! I suppose that’s all in jest, but it’s very odd to me. Alys seemed to enjoy the flirting just as much, even when a strange man walked up and grumped at Loakee a bit and she dared him to stare at her. There must be something missing in me, as I don’t enjoy that sort of talk much. Oh, a compliment here or there is all right, and I think that’s respectable in most cases. But to talk to someone you don’t know or have intentions towards, as if they was someone you had intentions towards, just doesn’t seem right to me. It’s not honest. It doesn’t look right. I just held Tairy’s hand and kept my peace, and felt so unbelievably lucky that I should be blessed with someone so honorable and humble and good. We neither one of us are the flirting types. We just say what we feel to each other, and that’s good enough.
I met another new woman as I were about to close up the gate last night. She were strolling by as if she was quite at home, but I didn’t know her face, so I asked if she was lost. She said she weren’t lost, she’ll be working for Mister Dimheim in fact, and her name were Winnie. I ended up taking her for a seat at the table under the oak tree and bringing her some cool water from the well, as it were bloody hot yesterday, even after the sun went down! She seemed awful polite and nice, and I hope to meet her again.
Ah, this ring! It keeps catching the light and shining so, and dragging my thoughts back to the cottage. I dare not write about what happened there! I dare not! Oi, Tairy, if you only knew the torture you’ve put me under! Everything aches inside of me! I can’t stop repeating the memories in my head. Over and over and over. My face blushes and I feel ashamed, but I can’t stop smiling.
Mad in love. That’s what it is. It really is madness.
