It was early evening. I had prepared myself to go down to the Hall and maybe have something from the kitchens. Not that I was hungry really, but I wanted to see if anyone was around. I wanted to know if there was word of the hunt Ethel had ridden on.
Then she was there, as if conjured by my very thought. A knock on the door and a sound of a dog barking, ‘Enter’ said I, and the dog bounded into the room as that familiar face poked round the door. She was dirty, as if she had been fighting in the mud, her hair looked as if she had been attacking a thorn bush backwards, but she was beaming with excitement.
“I have had such a wonderful time, mam…”
Now Ethel and I had a secret. Actually we had a few, but this particular one kept us close bound of late. We had both agreed we would do all we could to support her papa since the attack on the farm. It was a ploy on my part, seeing her becoming listless in those first days after the event. She had been hurt, really hurt for the first time in her life by that monstrous hound. She had seen her papa, who had always been there for her, fail to bring down the attacker, she had seen me almost release the wolf. Our ‘safe’ home had shown it was only as safe as we were vigilant. That was a lot for any child to take in.
I wanted to help, to make her feel safe again. But how? She was growing up, beginning to realise her papa was not invincible, that though he did the best that he could, there were some things he could not overcome. And therein lay my key.
“Ethel”, I had said to her when just she and I were alone in the house, and she practicing her reading while sitting on her bed, “Will you help me?”
At first she had not been that interested. Not rude, Ethel was never ill-mannered towards me, but she was lost in her own world, her safer world.
“I want to learn how to read.” I said.
At that she had perked up.
“Papa will teach you, like he is teaching me. He has said he will already”
“Aye Ethel, but I am a slower learner than you. I was wondering if you would give me some extra teaching, a secret between us so I can surprise him one day?”
Ethel had thought for a moment, then she chuckled, “Alright Yllfa, I will be your teacher too. I’m not a child you know.”
And with that she patted her bed, indicating I could better see the book she was working on if I sat close. We spent some time, with me tracing letters with a finger, and she sounding them out and encouraging me to follow her example. The word ‘Dawn’ took rather a long time, with her considering the letter should be a double ‘v’ rather than a double ‘u’, but the distraction was working. Ethel the teacher was working.
“I have another favour to ask, Ethel,” I turned the course of the conversation to my main concern.
She looked up, one finger still twisting a strand of her hair as she often did. There was no hesitation.
“What’s that then, Yllfa. I will help if I can.”
“Can you keep a secret?”
She nodded, though I already knew she could at need.
“I want us to try and help your papa more...only he mustn’t know we are doing it deliberately.”
Ethel stopped the twisting, she looked thoughtful. “How do you mean?”
Now to find the words to show her how she could feel safer.
“We both know he was wounded trying to protect us. He will always do that, out of duty, out of love, but what if you and I could protect ourselves and each other just a bit better?”
At that she closed the book. I had her full attention.
“But I missed. I could have killed that dog, but I missed,” she said.
I hugged her then with fierce pride. She did not stiffen or pull away. “And I froze.” I replied.
“No you didn’t. You killed the dog.”
“I froze in the first moments, so your papa stood alone. I won’t let that happen again.”
Ethel shook her head, and hugged me back. “We are a family,” she said, taking the bait. “We stand together, aye?”
I kissed her hair, then let her go. “Aye, dear one. But you and I train so we are less of a ..liability, eh….and more of an asset.”
A shadow crossed her face then, even though she was less afraid than she had been. “He will come back, you think. That Dunlending?”
I shook my head and spoke the truth. “I do not know. He may do. And if so we shall be ready, aye? But even if he does not, we should never be taken so easily again.”
Ethel nodded firmly.
“So let us train, you with your bow, and us both with short swords and knives. Your papa will teach us, but we should train more, in secret, like you are teaching me to read.”
She sat back, a smile spreading over her fair face, She liked the idea.
“And I will teach you a little of what I know as well. Is it agreed? Our secret?”
“I do trust him still, Yllfa, it’s just that..oh..when he spoke with me on the hunting trip….he wasn’t sure of his words. I have never known him to be like that. He always makes things well again.”
“Aye, and he will this time, but let's help him the best we can?”
“I have had such a wonderful time, mam…” Ethel said. I looked to her, my expression giving away my feelings. It was the second time she had almost said the word.
“Mama,” she said, then “I am not quite ready for that…” Her finger went to a strand of hair, twisting it vigorously.
“That's fine, Ethel.”
“No it’s not, because although you are not my mama, you are now?” She shrugged, as if still thinking things through from that night she and I had buried ourselves in Waelden's arms, in the rain near Fenmarsh, both crying that we did not want to ever lose the other.
“Give me just a little more time to get my head straight, Yllfa?”
I held out my arms to her, his child, my cub, and she hurried over covering me in mud and bracken in turn. The dog rushed around us, as if joining in a celebration.
“But let me tell you about the hunt...I shot down two deer and ..and...a small boar! And that is one deer and one boar more than any other And I got off Roan and finished the kill cleanly and slipped in the mud and……”
The thought crossed my mind that the other, more experienced hunters may have let her have more success than them, but at that moment I didn’t think it wise to speak such aloud. I just hugged her.
