We returned from the Shire a few days ago and there couldn't have been better timing for it. Every morning, even before Leoffrith is awake, I get severely sick and run downstairs to where I keep a bucket near the door so that I will not wake him. My feet are starting to swell and I've outgrown many of my dresses and gowns, but I had already bought ones to wear as I got bigger. At least there was one thing I was prepared for, but the rest of this is not something I was expecting. My mother was never sick in the mornings and she never got very big, but I feel as if I'm already getting so round.
In my time, I treated many people through their pregnancies, and I've helped midwives deliver. I have not spoken of my concerns to Leoffrith, but I'm very worried. I ache and hurt just from walking short paces and riding a horse makes me very ill. He is away at work all day and I couldn't be happier if he stayed home with me, but I'm so terribly afraid that he'd resent me if I asked him to stay home. We live a comfortable and lavish lifestyle and it wouldn't hurt us if he took a few months away from work, but I'm worried that Rosewood would not allow him to return. A few months is a long time.
Of course, I've seen difficult pregnancies before, and I suppose that's what has caused such a worry for me. I know how hard they can be and I fear that I will not have the strength to deliver. It terrifies me and leaves me feeling very cold but I could never bring up such an idea to Leoffrith, I think he would be too anxious to let me out of his sight for even a second. And I do not want him to worry about me, I think that he does that enough already.
Hathgar has been acting like a proper guard dog recently, he stays at my feet and watches me as I do things around the house all day, and any sort of noise outside sends him into a frenzy. He almost chased the milkman down the road yesterday! I didn't tell Leoffrith, I didn't want him to scold him. My mother used to tell me that dogs could sometimes tell if you were carrying before you even knew yourself, so I suppose that Hathgar's sniffed it out and has taken it upon himself to stand guard.
While we were in the Shire, I found a Shire Lop and I named her Blossom. She's the cutest rabbit that I've ever set my eyes upon, with floppy ears and a gorgeous cream-colored coat. We brought her all the way home, and I built a little pen around my study that I can step over but that keeps her contained within one corner of the house. Hathgar doesn't bother her much, but I never leave him alone with her. The cat also doesn't seem to mind her, but the cat never seems to mind anything.
Today I had such a strong craving for something and still, I've yet to figure out what it is. I spent the entire day baking, using almost all of the flour we'd just bought only a few days ago. Our entire table was covered in pies and pastries and little honeycakes, which I asked Leoffrith to carry to Cesistya tomorrow when he leaves for work. None of them satisfied the craving I have, so I suppose I'll have to keep finding things to bake until I've discovered it.
