Adjusting the cold compress against her head and sipping her tea, she looked at her writing. It was a means to place her thoughts in order, and far too many complicated matters crowded into her skull, causing it to ache. The nights were a blessing, her husband warm, welcoming at her side, ensuring that whatever troubled her was forgotten until slumber took her, only to be awoken with the familiar pattern of nausea. The child was far from due to be born, but already they had made a significant impact on her day to day activities.
I am an aunt, again. I never got the chance to bond with my brothers son, he was taken too soon, it haunts me. Perhaps this child, not of my blood but of a different bond, will allow me to give what I could not before. Few know of what happened to my nephew, a baby so new, so unaware and I wish I had never had the chance to see him, so fragile, gone.
Rahvics son, my second chance of being an aunt, is beautiful. Yet, I cannot help but pity him. He has been thrust into a new life, with new people who bicker, who touch him with the familiarity as if they were there from birth. It must be confusing. He scared me. I am no mother, even though a child grows within me. I was reluctant, even though I have seen and counseled many mothers. I asked his father permission, permission to meet his son, although the child was before me already. I introduced myself, I held the boy, I comforted him in pain, I lulled him to sleep, I sent him off with his father. I know where my reluctance comes from.
I purchased the boy the most finest of clothes coin could buy, in hues of red and brown. I care not if they are ruined through play, he should know of the finer things, not be subjected to a life of poverty, not that I believe Rahvic or anyone else that cares for him would allow that to happen. I also made a vow, one I shall stand by, his aunt, myself, will protect him, by any means and my means are rather vicious.
I know not what to think of Rahvics woman, she seems pleasant enough, intelligent, though quite eager. In a way I pity her too, for although my friend is exotic, handsome, he can also be very head strong, lacking common sense at times, impulsive. Yet I saw his vulnerable side again. He is scared, terrified of suddenly being thrust into fatherhood. I think any man would be. When I told Rue that we were to have a child, it unsettled him at first. I too am scared, frightened that I will not be worthy of the child that grows within, that I will fail them, that they will come to harm. I empathise with Rahvic, I am in the privileged position to do so. I know Rue and I will manage, we will raise a child that will be able to take on any challenge ahead of them, even the great eye itself!..I think..
Silver. Where do I start? I see your bond with the boy and it brings me sadness. You deserve a child. You deserve to be a mother. Yet you have wasted your heart on a man who would lead you a merry dance. Who would make you wait for his decision between you and another woman he desired, as if you and she were a game. You deserve better. You deserve to have what I have, to feel wanted, to feel secure, to be without uncertainty, you deserve a family. You have Rahvic, myself and Rue, but we are poor substitutes. We can gift you the company, happily so. We can share our children, allow you to be aunt to them, but I know it is not the same. I wish you happiness, and soon, with or without that man. I understand your impatience and anger with Rahvic, even though I believe your response to be a little..extreme? I think much frustration was aimed at his nose, and not solely due to his thoughtless actions.
Days have gone by since the wedding, and it was beautiful. My husband looking more of a lord than a trader. My mother, I still cannot believe she attended. Perhaps she has given up trying to influence my choices, given up on dismissing them, scorning them. Perhaps she will now find peace. I have never known such contentment than that which I have now. I do not doubt Rue, I do not fear him. We are bonded, as equals. Mother might have seen this, perhaps it was these things that helped calm her sour thoughts.
Family is not simply blood, but those we allow close to us. Silver is my sister. Rahvic is my brother. Ruemax my husband. Jamar my nephew. We are a strange family, all with a past that is best left forgotten, yet we hope and strive for a better future, as one.
