Looking back on what I wrote a week ago, I've never felt a bigger fool. I've never been so wrong about anyone, ever, in my life. The feeling of betrayal is more bitter than I can say, and I hate it with all my soul, and that only makes it worse.
I haven't been able to sleep and it's starting to wear on me. I can't let my health get poorly, not in the middle of winter. I don't know what to do, except to keep going. One foot in front of the other. Get up, lay out breakfast, fetch the water, make the beds, feed Pumpkin, work on my knitting. Only my heart isn't in any of it. It were bad enough before I knew everything. I couldn't stop thinking about G her. Now I know everything. And I can't wrap my head around it. I just can't.
I can't write it here. I won't! There's no one I can talk to. I have to keep this all to myself and it's breaking my heart. I want to believe that he's sorry for it. But even if he's sorry...he still did it. He's still the sort of person who would try to
I wish I didn't have to stay here. I wish I could go away.
How can I bear this? I can't think of anything else. I can't get it out of my head.
Mister Aeru helped me with fetching and carrying water last night. Maybe he could see how poorly I were feeling. He were nicer than ever.
It helped a little.
P.S. Oh, the plants were from him!
