The sun has come back today, and I feel a little better. That bothersome cloud of hurt and anger gets farther away with each passing day.
I've nearly done with Master Maurr's scarf. The house feels so empty without him! I know he may not come back to stay here when he returns to Bree-land, and the thought is a sad one. But I'll be happy to see him again, either way. I picked a right nice color for the yarn, too. A beautiful, deep green, sort of like emeralds. I know that dwarves are supposed to like metals and gemstones. And I thought the green would go nicely with his brown beard, too. I do hope he likes it. It almost made my hand hurt to give over the coin for the colored yarn, as it cost twice what the plain stuff costs.
I've been working my way through this box of treats that Mister Dimheim brought over. It's hard to say if it was some kind of payment for the basket I took him. I don't ever want him to feel like he's obligated to give something back, just because someone does something nice for him. The mint tea is incredible! I remember he had me try that stuff what had mint and...lickor lickr that sharp, biting stuff in it. It was so unlike any tea I'd ever tasted, but not in a bad way. And then he brought some candy orange peels, and oh my goodness, are they delicious!
I feel bad for the miserable lump that I was when we last met. I know he'd say "It's fine, Miss Rushwood, people sometimes need comfort when they're sad". I know he understands it, at least in his own way, even if his own heart doesn't know what it's like to be broken and sore from losing folk you love. I asked him if he'd ever loved anyone, ever, in his whole life. We waffled back and forth a little about just what love is or what it means, but then he said no, he didn't think he ever had loved anyone ever. I can't even put in words how deeply that saddened me.
I have a little list that I'm keeping of things that I hope for. Doesn't matter if they're ridiculous or unlikely to happen. Sometimes, a body needs to just let go and let itself believe in a great bit of folly once in a while. Mister Dimheim and Mister Aeru both seemed to think so. So I will, too.
Speaking of folly! I saw a poster up in Bree-town for a traveling band that be will be playing at the Harvestmath grounds in a few days. It said folks could wear costumes if they like. I don't have one, the dress I wore to Miss Piper's party wasn't a proper costume, really. I wonder if I have enough coin to throw away on something so silly. I'll take a look and think about it.
I saw Jerry the farmhand last evening as I was walking home. He waved me over and we had a nice talk while leaning against the fence by the fountain and watching the stars light up over the village. He looked ruddy faced and windblown from working in the fields all day, but it wasn't a bad way. He's got a little gap in his front teeth and when he grins it's like the whole town lights up from it. I like that he talks to me as if I were just any old body he meets on the street. Like we're old friends from way back who just never knew that we were. I was looking at him and found myself wondering if he might go to the Harvestmath, too. And then I thought maybe he'd go the same day I go. I didn't think of asking him to go WITH me because...well, thoughts like that don't really cross my mind. I was raised that the boys ask the girls for such stuff. Like Pa just walking up to Ma after passing her on the road day in and day out and finally telling her what he thought of her. I love that story so, it always made me laugh!
But then I said I had to get home and Jerry looked a little let down, but said aye, he had to get home, too. And nobody asked anybody about going anywhere.
Oh, well.
