- written in Haradrim -
I've returned home after an eventful day. I was able to visit the seamstress in Bree and she's going to make me a new gown, and I'm quite excited about it. We discussed it in detail for what felt like the entire day, and it was past noon when I finally left her workshop. I'll return in a week's time to see how it's coming along. She said she's importing silks from my lands and that they'll be here soon. I spent some time with miss Piper and then I finally found myself making my way to the Pony.
Leoffrith was sitting by the fountain when I finally reached the Pony. He was looking over that ledger that he's so anxious about reading right, but I couldn't figure out how to tell him how it made sense. It makes sense to me in my head, but when I try to say it out loud, I don't know how to put it. He talked about going to Dol Amroth and I wondered if he had been there when I had and if that meant we had been in the same place before we knew each other. I thought it was tragically romantic, but I don't think he felt that way. He said we could join the Harvestmath and Yule festivities, and I'm really excited for them. I've never been.
As one could expect, the conversation was quickly derailed. Two hobbits joined and they were pleasant, and I thought they were a bit funny. I didn't understand half of what the second one said, but he left soon. The man who works for Miss Piper came by and immediately rubbed me the wrong way. I just didn't like anything he said, I felt like I was an object being ogled at. It was about who got to me first and jokes that I would have picked someone else had Leoffrith not been around. I simply didn't like it, there's no real good way I could come up with to explain it. I just didn't like it, I didn't feel like I was being treated like my own person, I felt like I was being treated like a toy that the older brother got first, and the younger was sulking.
I tried to explain how to felt to Leoffrith, but I'm not sure if he understood. I'm reminded vividly of Khazim, and how I'm sure he'd scold me for walking off and tell me that I need to not be so quick to anger. Just thinking of it makes me angry. He told me that I needed to learn how to act in Bree, and it angers me to think he could have possibly been right. I haven't stormed off in such a manner since the last time I saw him, I thought I was doing quite well. I suppose old habits do not go away.
I feel like I just keep making a mess of things. I feel like I've been told that I'm too emotional my entire life. I get fired up so easily, it's as if I'm constantly on edge, simply waiting for the next thing to set me off. Sooner or later Leoffrith is going to notice, I'm sure, and it will certainly scare him off. He didn't want to walk me home. I'm certain he's already noticed. I arrived in Bree with no friends and discovered that my brother was gone, and yet I have never felt more alone before. I wanted him to come home with me.
